Coal Creek Farm

April FAIL

I had to post that photo of my girlfriend’s feet. Do you see what she did to her toe? We were late to church because she was inside painting that band-aid. I’m pretty sure I would do the same thing.

Okay, now on to my failures…get comfy, this could take a while.

1. I have wrecked every side of my van. The last one was in a parking garage when some little college girl stopped to close to me and I ran into a concrete barrier.

2. When I heard the van crunch against the concrete I said the F word.

3. My oldest son was in the car and was horrified that I let go the F bomb.

4. So I wrecked the car and my motherly image all in a matter of a few seconds.

5. My son lectured me for at least 5 minutes about how to control my tongue and my anger.

6. I’m now being raised by a 14 year-old boy.

7. I can’t stop getting into Poison Ivy.

8. I know what it looks like and I weigh if it’s worth the agony then I go ahead and pull it anyway.

9. I always regret it the next day and the day after that and the day after that…

10. Last night at about 3:00 in the morning Clay mumbled, “April! You are driving me crazy!” I meekly asked, “Why?” “THE SCRATCHING! STOP SCRATCHING!!!”

11. I have used every trick in the book to battle this rash….all the advice you give me, I do it. I still suffer.

12. Have I mentioned I’m an idiot? Yes, it’s true.

13. There is a 95% chance that I will come in contact with Poison Ivy again in the next few weeks.

14. I can’t seem to get anything done in my kitchen.

15. At this very moment there is a pot on my stove with grape juice to make jelly that has fermented.

16. I guess I’m making wine.

17. I have a chicken with a huge gaping wound on her back.

18. My cat had an abscess explode on her side.

19. My dog ate the scab I picked off of the chicken’s back.

20. My cat likes to lay on me so the wound drains on my shirt.

21. My animals are making me gag and I’m thinking farm life is really gross.

22. Did I mention I have some sort of upper respiratory cough thing?

23. You can’t imagine how fun it is to sleep with me between the coughing and the scratching, I’m all a person needs for a restful night.

24. My baby lost his second tooth yesterday.

25. The tooth fairy totally forgot.

26. Preacher, also known as Head of Farm Security, does not trust me.

27. I’m the only one that treats his ears and whenever he hears me call his name, he slinks upstairs and hides under my bed or he freezes and acts like if he doesn’t move I won’t see him.

28. I see counseling sessions in our future.

30. I have a towel bar in our bathroom that falls down every, single, dad-gum, time I touch it.

31. I’ve bought two different sets of hooks to use instead of the #!*$ towel bar.

32. Neither of the hooks fit, so I have to go back to the store to find some that work.

33. In the mean time…I fear for the well being of that towel bar.

34. I might need bathroom fixture counseling too.

35. It’s only a matter of time before I scream the F word at the towel bar.

36. Did I mention I’m a wee bit itchy?

I want to be a belly dancer when I grow up.

This video makes me all kinds of happy. I think Clay and I have watched it 162,000,000 times. We’ve memorized the moves to the best of our abilities and I’m sure that there is a belly dancer somewhere deep inside my soul. Oh, and the soccer players aren’t so bad either.

Fast Tube by Casper

Summer Recap

This has been a fun summer. We started it off with going with my extended family to Branson for a weekend. My favorite part of the weekend was going to the lake. We took turns driving the kids around on the wave runner. Clay spent so much time bouncing around on it that the netting in his swimsuit chaffed his butt. His was relieved when we got home and found we still have baby butt cream in the cabinet.

I took my mom out for a spin and yes, she’s wearing a shirt on her head because she couldn’t find a hat. My mom is very resourceful and slightly goofy. She only had to yell at me to slow down a few times. My mom also rode on the tube with one of my nephews, she was having a lot of fun. Can you see my farmer’s tan? I can’t help it, I do that every year. I can never wear tank tops or cute sundresses because I have that stupid tan.

The glowing white figure out there is me skiing. I don’t think I’ve water skied for about ten years. My kids were pretty amazed that I could do that. I told them not to be overly impressed because….

I was bound to crash. And I did.

On our way home we stopped at the famous Lambert’s, home of the throwed rolls. Yes, that’s what they say…throwed. They come out with piping hot rolls and throw them at you. I don’t know why that sounds so fun, but my kids could hardly wait to eat there. That plate full of nursing home food is what I ordered. It tasted about as good as it looks. I don’t know many restaurants that still decorate their plates with kale and a spiced apple ring. I ate a lot of rolls.

We had a very impromptu party at our house for the 4th of July. I think unplanned parties always turn out to be the best. My friend’s husband is a nurse and was working, so we told her to bring all the kids out to shoot off fireworks. That’s Poodle smiling with Ellen. Do you remember me telling you about her? She hates poodles, she’d rather be called a Yorkie. So, I’m changing her name to Pug…just to annoy her. Pug has six children. I know, you hate her now, don’t you? Stinkin’ gym addict.

We love hanging out with her family because her kids line up with mine and it doesn’t hurt that they’re a lot of fun.

These two are our babies. They’ll be in Kindergarten together.

These two will be in 3rd grade together.

Our oldest two will be Juniors this year.

Then we have the stair steps the two girls on the left and Seth. They’ll be in 8th, 9th and 10th grades this year. Pug has another son that managed not to get in any of my photos, he’ll be in 6th grade, he’s also the child they accidentally leave behind at school, church and restaurants.

We’ve had a lot of fun with them all summer.

This is Bryan and Melanie, they came to visit Coal Creek Farm for a few days. They were our neighbors when we lived in TBLDBT back in Missouri. I love them. It makes me so happy when they travel out to see us. I still swear that Bryan is my littler bothah from anothah mothah. He reminds me so much of my dad it’s scary sometimes and Melanie is, well…she’s my favorite. She is my confidant. She’s my friend that allows me to rant, rave, complain, cry and laugh hysterically all in the span of ten minutes and she still wants to be my friend.