The Living Without Series

This is a series of posts that I wrote back in 2006 on living with less stuff. Check them out: liv011Living #2liv031liv04

An Iris and Peony Farm and Memory Lane

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I cleaned my basement a few weeks ago and found an old video camera with a VCR tape still in it.  You know those giant video cameras we used back in the day?  You could  hook it up directly to the TV and watch the tapes?  And they weigh twenty pounds?  Remember how folks looked so ridiculous with it hoisted up on their shoulder while squinting through the lens and half the time they forgot to press the record button?  Remember those?  So, we set up the VCR and watched ourselves from a decade ago when my oldest child was five and my first son was three.  I know it was NO TV MONTH, but we couldn’t help our curiosity.  I can’t believe how much has happened to us in ten years.

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We bought the ugliest house in the world when we moved to St. Louis.  There was teal carpet in the kitchen and everything had been repaired with Liquid Nails.  The first four years in that house were dark and dreary.  I spent a lot of time dreaming about what our lives would be like in ten years, mostly while crying because the roof was leaking or the faucet broke off in my hand or the garage door collapsed or I spilled a huge bowl of vinaigrette on the teal carpet and watched in disbelief as it was soaked up never to be seen again..

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We lived in that house for almost six years.  When I walked out the front door for the last time I said, “Good ridance!”  and never shed a tear because that house had wrung enough tears, sweat and blood from me and I was happy to leave it behind.  We did all the renovations to that house with our own hands.  I was eight months pregnant rolling out builder’s felt on the roof as fast as my bloated body would allow while Clay tacked it down because a huge storm was on it’s way and the roof needed to be covered or we would be dealing with more than just a couple leaks.

100_8596We tore out that hideously foul smelling teal carpet and had planned to put down some hard wood floors, but that led to taking out the cabinets and redoing the lights and installing a dishwasher and, and, and…..a few months later we had a brand new kitchen courtesy of my whining and nagging and crying and begging and complete confidence that we could figure out how to do all of it ourselves.  And we did.  Now Clay knows how to install plumbing and electrical and hardwood floors and hang cabinets and here’s the best part…..we’re still married and we really do like each other.

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I swore I would never-ever-ever live through another kitchen remodel.  We had our fridge on the back porch for so long that it took several weeks before we stopped sliding open the door to step outside for some milk after the remodel was complete.  I have no idea how I cooked meals, but we were not eating out so we could save any extra money to pay for the kitchen.  So I must have been pretty creative, but I’ve decided not to remember any of it.

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It’s still very difficult for me to hire anybody to do any type of work that I think we can figure out ourselves.  And by that I mean I usually do a lot of research and then while we sit on the couch I start scratching Clay’s back I speak in a soft, loving  voice about how I was reading about the simple ways you can build a chicken tractor or rewire your entire house or install a water heater, heat pump, toilette, roof, garage door, tile floor, drywall, garbage disposal, dishwasher, cabinets, canned lights, butcher chickens, raise pigs, build a coop, build raised garden beds…you get the idea.

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And with all those things he thinks for a bit, he reads, he ponders and then, eventually he does it.  A few times he’s had to call in help.  But, he’s pretty darn handy and I’m a great cheerleader.

Except in the garden.  That is where he draws the line.  One time I asked him to go pick a pepper for me and he came back with a tomato.  He’s constantly asking me, “What flower is this?” my answer more often than not is, “That’s a weed.”

When we went to the Peony and Iris farm earlier this summer he was overwhelmed by the beauty of these flowers.  He grabbed the camera away from me and snapped photos of the plants as I diligently scanned the price sheet.  Clay eventually decided the white peony was his favorite because it smelled so good.  I totally agreed, but could not decide between the pinks and the pale peaches and oh the coral they were all so beautiful.

You order the plants to be dug in the fall and this helped me decide that maybe I didn’t need a Peony row right now.  So we left with none.

This is how we operate these days.  No impulse purchases.  Nothing can be whined about enough to cause us to open our wallets.

I can live without these pretty plants for a bit longer.  But, that chicken tractor?  I’ll be scratching Clay’s back tonight.

They Played Aunt

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When we were little we played ‘Aunt’.  Sometimes we were both the moms and hauled our babies around with us in giant purses that we had swiped from our mother.  Rechelle always had Tiny Tears, which was a rubber baby-doll that cried real tears when you fed her a bottle of water and squeezed her tummy.  I had Winnie the Pooh and Danny.  Winnie the Pooh was made for me by my babysitter, Mrs. Reid.  I loved him until he was a flat piece of matted fur fabric and then I still loved him.  Danny was a big doll with a cloth stuffed body and rubber arms and legs, he had black cropped hair, sometimes Danny became Kimmy.

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Kimmy was the little girl that one of us would play while the other one was the mom.

So, let’s review:  We played ‘Aunt’; sometimes we were both moms and sometimes one of us was the mom and one of us was Kimmy.  We also had Tiny Tears and Winnie the Pooh and Danny/Kimmy the big doll.  Got it?

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The Aunts were chain smokers.  They would smoke on a drinking straw while yelling at Kimmy.  They would smoke on an invisible cigarette while talking about which party they should attend.  Occasionally, they would enjoy a candy cigarette and then, well, then they talked about how much they loved to smoke and how good that cigarette tasted.

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The aunts loved their big vinyl purses.  They were huge and lined with dark blue bandanna fabric.  When Kimmy was being a pain in the ass, which was nearly always, her mom would start swinging the giant vinyl purse at her and most of the time Tiny Tears was in that giant purse getting whipped around adding to the pummeling Kimmy was getting on her back side.  This caused Kimmy to fall down in fits of hysterical laughter.  Also, you should know that Tiny Tears, being a newborn baby, could talk and pummel people.  She was quite amazing and spent most of her time yelling at Winnie the Pooh.

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Sometimes the aunts would have a falling out and not speak to each other for six whole minutes.  Usually, their falling outs had to do with someone not getting to play the role of Aunt or Kimmy or more often, Tiny Tears was being too mean.  Tiny Tears was a very bitter baby.

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One of the sisters would eventually get tired of being pissed off and come up with a way to entice the other sister to resume playing ‘Aunt’.  This usually involved great feats of silliness that the mad sister couldn’t resist.

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Then like a magical spell had been cast, the sisters were back in their imaginary rolls of Aunt and Kimmy or Aunt and Aunt.

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Let’s play ‘Aunt’.  I’ll be Kimmy.

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No.  Let’s both be aunts.  Wanna smoke?

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The aunts had a very busy social calendar.  They were constantly being asked to parties and often those parties required them to perform some sort of dance number and sing a song.  The aunts would dig through their mother’s closet and find her highest heels and most luxurious polyester party dresses and adorn themselves with costume jewelry and holler at the kids to get in their big purses, because they were going to Grandma’s house.

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The aunts would drop off Tiny Tears, Winnie the Pooh and Danny/Kimmy at Grandma Martha’s house, which most of the time meant they would be stashing them under their Mom’s desk at their father’s business.

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Then the aunts would run off to practice their performance for the evening’s big gala.

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They always incorporated lots of difficult tricks that only the aunts were able to do and the whole world was amazed by their abilities.

DSC_0572They’d write a few songs and choregraph the steps.

DSC_0550Of course each of them had to have a solo.

DSC_0645-2After the party had died down and they had sung their last song and danced their last dance and smoked their last cigarette they’d head back to Grandma Martha’s office where they would ask if she had any money so they could run across the street to Taco Grande and buy a sancho for themselves and some cinnamon-sugar tortilla crisps for Tiny Tears, Winnie the Pooh and Danny/Kimmy.

Grandma Martha would hand them some cash while cradling Tiny Tears and say, “Yes and get me a Pepsi and a sancho with extra hot sauce.”

photos by All Astonishment

April Showers High 1985

Twenty years after graduating from High School is the perfect time to go back and read all the signatures in your yearbook.

I have to share some with you. I really must. As I do, please enjoy these two boys chatting it up at Rechelle’s 40th birthday party. They are the only two boys in the world that could handle Rechelle and I or maybe I should say they are the only two boys that could tolerate us.


What I love about this one is that the girl who wrote this ended up marrying the boy she is wishing me luck with and she felt the need to say ‘dearly not queerly’.

This is from 1985

April, We’ve had our ups and downs, but hopefully now they will all be ups. You are fun to cheer with. I hope we cheer together for the next 2 years. Goodluck with everything you do and with C. Stay Sweet Love Ya,- dearly not queerly T.


Now onto 1986 and this is after C and I broke up, but we remained friends. I even set him up with the sister of the new guy I was dating. I know, how nice was I? When I read this I laughed a very uncomfortable laugh off and on for two days.

April, You really made my junior year fun. Remember when we were out at the farm on the three wheeler and I took off without you on the back? And remember all the times we got in trouble? I still am getting in trouble because of you. Remember writing in my year book about the vo-tech parking lot? I had to explain that to my mom.
Love, C

Dear GOD!!! His Mom read his yearbook!!! What on earth did I say? I’m so sorry C. All I can say to you is ‘good luck in the future, I hope you go far’, because that seemed to work pretty well back in 1986.

In 1985 I let my sister sign the back page of my yearbook. I’d show you a picture, but my camera has fallen into the black vortex that sucks all the things I value the most or my kids must have been playing with it. grrrrrr. And I’m too lazy to go look for it.

April, You are my very favorite sister. I’m really happy that out of all the strange people I could have gotten for a sister, I got the strangest one of all, YOU! I don’t think I could make it through the day without one of your “imitations” or one of your strange little characters, that seem to pop out of your mind. Especially the dude that says, “Lunch Tickets!” and your Swedish, “Stankers!” I know you also wouldn’t survive without my daily hugs. Thanks for being around for me to borrow money from and beat up on you and crush your ribs and sometimes even talk too.
Love and Lots of Hugs,
the one and only,
Rechelle

Now let’s jump to 1987 when my sister finally got herself a boyfriend. J was in my class. He had a big ego and was a giant pain in the butt. He teased me relentlessly about my hair, makeup, clothes and choice of boyfriends. Rechelle and J were two strange birds thrown together to torture each other. I never knew if they were getting along or in the middle of a heated debate. J wrote this just after he and Rechelle broke up. Rechelle had gone to college and J and I were trying to figure out how to get through our Senior year without her around to LORD over our lives. He was the closest thing to a brother that I ever had. When my homecoming date left with another girl, J held my hand and took me out on the dance floor. He was a terrible dancer, but he knew he could make me laugh by watching him try to move to a beat and I did, I laughed really hard at how bad of a dancer he was.

April, Hi April! I’m sitting in Broadcasting and all these people are telling me what to write in your yearbook. Since you wrote something nice I am going to try to write something nice too. This year I want us to get along better and be good friends. I know I tease you a lot and I give you a hard time, but I do like you. You are a super person to be around and I am going to miss going out to your house. Remember how Rechelle used to get mad at me when I would flirt with you? Well, sometimes I really was flirting with you. Keep up your wonderful smile and personality. Good luck in EVERYTHING. Love, J.

The CD, he can’t dance a lick and he teases me pretty bad too.

But my sister tolerates him anyway.

This last one was from the farmer boy I dated my Junior year. He was a really nice boy, but had the personality of a dried piece of corn. Poor guy, he never knew what to do with me when I started acting goofy. I think he was mostly embarrased by me. We were still dating when he wrote this. When I think back about the year we dated I can’t remember anything we did except drive up and down Maine Street in his car. I don’t remember having any meaningful conversations, fights or anything. I’m pretty sure we were the most boring couple ever. I think his entry will prove that.

April, Your totally awesome personality is always so nice to be around. You brighten my day whenever you smile and laugh at me or whatever. Keep up the cheerleading, dancing, puppeteering, and all your other great talents. Make the best of your last year with Shelly, you two are great sisters even if she is a ’sissy’. Don’t let Jeff pick on you too much! This year is going to go by fast I can already tell. It seems like all I do is take tests and apply for scholarships and all other college junk. Well, it’s such a joyous occasion to sign off on this, ha ha. You’re the Greatest April!!! Love, P.

What the heck? Seriously, we had been dating for a while and that’s all he could say?! I don’t even remember how we broke up. As far as I know we’re still dating.

I think I ended up with the right guy. His goofiness overshadows mine. I can’t embarrass him and I try really hard. He’s the only guy that I could wear high heels and still be shorter. He sings harmony to all my made up opera song and he’s really cute.

And my brother in law? He’s not too bad. And he’s got great hair man, really great hair.

Now, good luck in your future and all you do. You are awesome and really great and thanks for being a good friend. Let’s keep in touch and don’t ever change.

BFF,

April