If he wasn't so cute...

This is my little slice of Hell year.  Today I reached my melting point.  I knew it would probably come, but I thought I might be able to power through it.  Right now is the busiest time for just about everything.  Everyone needs something from me right now.  I can’t concentrate on one thing for more than a few moments or something else will cave.  It’s a little nutty, but I knew it would be, so…so what, right?

I had been working with one of my boys on their math for what seemed like the beginning of time or maybe even since before the beginning of time and then, all of a sudden, it was noon.  Where the heck did the morning go?  Did we seriously not get even one subject done before lunch?

Clay came home to eat and as I looked up from the table I said something like, “We’re still doing Math.  We have been doing Math since you last saw us in 1972.  We’ll be here doing Math when you return from your space travels in 5075.  We are suspended in time forever on problem 7 we are the impenetrable fortress, the permanent post,  we will not move or change…WE WILL BE RIGHT HERE DOING THIS SAME DAMN MATH PROBLEM FOR ETERNITY!!!”

And then Clay told the boys to go outside to play.

I started to melt, “I can’t do this.  I’m a terrible mother.  Why do I always choose the most difficult path? I’m never going to get everything done.  Whose idea was this?  What lunatic convinced you that I could do all of this?  I’m out numbered. I can’t work all these jobs.  This is crazy.  I’m crazy. I am losing my mind one math problem at a time.  Do you know how many emails I sent that were wrong to all the volunteers?  I can’t read my typing.  It’s like a lunatic has taken over my brain. I wish I looked as thin as I’m spread….”  And on and on about the kids, the house, my job, my other job, my hair, the animals, the ripped carpet, the broken dishwasher, the list of stuff I have to do before November, the holidays, all the stupid people in the world (which is all of them) and a whole host of other things that decided to belch their way to the surface.

And then the voice of reason.  Clay.  He took me by the shoulders and said, “I’m going to tell you something and it might make you mad.”

I hate it when he says that.  It makes me mad.  I need to remember tell him that someday.

“You do this every time you get to about 90% of what you need to get done.  You start to panic and you just need to push through to the end.  You know you’ll get it done.  I’ll help you.  That’s why I’m here, to help you finish that last 10%.”

And then I cried on him trying not to get snot on his dress shirt.  I’m certain I was supposed to be pissed at him for saying something stupid, but I can’t remember what it was.

So, I’m at 90% and I can smile about that.  The end is in sight.  I’ll live, the kids might live, we’ll eat Corn Nuts and oatmeal for the next few weeks,  the house will most likely crumble, and I swear to GOD we are still going to be doing that same damn math problem!!!  But, I will get my job done 100%.

Hey! I’m alive!!  I lived through juicing.

Okay, I’m real-real (that’s our new saying around the house, “real-real”), I’m real-real sorry I’ve been absent.  I actually wrote a St. Louis post, hit publish and WordPress had logged me OUT!  Oh, the agony.  I can’t bring myself to write it again, but I’ll try.

Here’s a quick update from Coal Creek Farm…you know how I love doing the list thing.

1. 19 years ago today I got myself hitched to an auburn haired architect.  It was a real-real nice day. I highly recommend finding yourself someone that you like and doing the same.

2. I like that architect more today than I did 19 years ago and I think he might still like me a tiny bit.

3. I did ask for a divorce from sharing a suitcase with him, it was time.  We always share a suitcase and I no longer want to share, I want my own suitcase.  He’s not taking it well.  We might need to go to a suitcase counselor to work out the separation.

4. We spent the night in the same hotel in which we spent our wedding night, it was real-real fun.

5. Four days ago my best friend from high school, Carmen, called and together we convinced each other to go to our 23rd reunion.

6. I spent 48 hours talking non-stop.

7. My throat is sore and my voice is raspy.

8. We met up with old classmates and had a great time.

9. I stayed with Carmen’s parents, it was just like old times: giggling until 4am, sharing the bathroom to get ready, answering all the questions her mom asked.  I loved it.

10. I’ve decided that I was in fact the tallest woman anywhere to be seen in western Kansas.

11. Why are there so many tiny people in Goodland, Kansas?  I didn’t have Clay beside me to make me feel normal, it was real-real awkward bending over to talk to all of them.

12. I was real-real shocked by the people that announced they read my blog.  Hi John, Hi Rhonda, Hi Darla, Hi Gee-Gee, Hi Dawn, Hi Carrie….now I can’t write stories about you.  Well, at least not until you die.

13. I liked every single person I talked to.  Funny how after decades pass all those teenagers turned into real-real fine folk.  I think they are all more beautiful today than they were twenty years ago.

14. One of my real-real good friends here was college buddies with one of my classmates.  I managed to get their contact information to each other and now they can reconnect after losing touch nearly 17 years ago.  I’m a people finder.  I should charge them a finder’s fee.  Dax, Carl, I will send you a bill.

15. Juicing was AWESOME.  When I start blogging regularly again (hahahahahaha- oh, I FUNNY LADY, blog regularly, BAH!) I might tell you all about it.  How do you like my level of commitment?

16. Couponing is going well.  Who needs a razor?  Shampoo?  Toothpaste?…I gotcha covered.

17. Two of our hogs will be loaded and turned into bacon next week.  The loading part should be highly entertaining and muddy.  Preacher will be out of his mind crazy that day because he doesn’t like to say goodbye to the pigs.

18. My oldest son is now 6’2″ tall and growing.  You can probably imagine how happy this makes me.  I look small standing next to him.  Again…the giddiness.

19. That’s it for now.  I’m so sleep deprived.  Instead of telling me how lovely I was last night, Clay kept saying, “Hon, you look tired.”  I’m too old to party two nights in a row and live on 2 hours of sleep.

~April out.

Tuesday the kids and I drove over to help my parents for a few hours.  My oldest son helps my mom sell puppets…..I’ll just let that sink in for a bit.

Yes, I said puppets.

My mom sells puppets.  My dad sold candy bars and now he rides a bicycle all over America.

I think if a therapist could counsel my family and make sense of our craziness then they could earn their license, degree, stamp…I have no idea what a therapist has to earn to be a therapist.  Whatever it is, my family would be a good test for them.

I dropped Seth off to help Mom and I headed over to my parents’ new house with Ellen and the two littles to help my dad paint.  My parents bought a 1980′s house and are in the process of renovating the crap out of it.  They have had the kitchen gutted, walls torn down, walls built, bathrooms gutted, driveways built, trees trimmed and most importantly they added an 87% efficient non-wood burning stove.  Just ask my dad about it sometime and he will tell you all about it, for about three hours, he loves to talk about efficiency.

My parents like to complain about the other one getting a little bit carried away with spending on certain items, I get to hear all the stories.  It’s very entertaining.

I helped my dad put a coat of primer in the dining room and the kitchen and then my mom stopped by to show me some tile and carpet samples.  As we were sitting on the floor in one of the bedrooms my mom noticed a cable outlet, “Oh!  There’s a cable hook up in here.  That’s so nice.  I like to have cable in all the bedrooms.”  This is where my mother and I differ greatly, since I’ve never had cable a day in my life I don’t see the need to have it in any rooms, “Why do you like to have cable in the bedrooms?” I asked her.  And that’s when she came back with the best reply ever, “It’s nice to have in case you get sick or you might break a leg.”  I laughed really hard at her and kept repeating, “You might break a leg!”  And the really funny thing is….SHE WAS TOTALLY SERIOUS!  Which made me laugh even harder.  My poor mother, how she tolerates me.

Okay, now the Juice Fast update.

When I was driving home from my parents house I started to get the familiar caffeine headache.  I knew it would come and it did.  By the time I got home my head was throbbing.  I went to bed at 7:30 .

The next day I felt very foggy and sleepy, but I didn’t have the awful pounding head.

Today I feel much better and I’m not at all hungry.  I think I’ve peed enough to water my lawn, I wish it did water my lawn, because my grass is brown, crusty and nearly dead.  Tomorrow is supposed to be the changing point, hopefully, my body will be completely rid of the toxic waste dump and I’ll be done with my caffeine withdrawals.

I would really like to drink some tea or coffee or tea and coffee mixed together.  My kids had Chinese food for lunch while I ate a vegetable loaded salad, except for Seth who ate salad plus meat, he’s trying the juice fast, but the boy needs meat.  I really would like to eat bread, that’s the food I miss the most.  Coffee and bread, I miss them.  I think the only thing that would take away my craving for bread and coffee is if I had cable TV in my bedroom, but that’s only if I MIGHT break my leg.