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The Living Without Series

This is a series of posts that I wrote back in 2006 on living with less stuff. Check them out: liv011Living #2liv031liv04

Coal Creek Farm on Facebook

The Chicken Doctor

April

The Architect

Clay

The Birthday Saga Part III ~ The Minuet

If you want to start from the beginning of this story click:
Part I
Part II

I had 15 minutes to drive across town to meet my friend at this appointment. When I got in the car I was thinking to myself how incredible this morning had been and how much work Clay must have put into all the little details. I was a bit stunned.

I started to look at the address numbers on the buildings looking for the number Clay had printed on the card. I turned into the parking lot of Perkins Restaurant and pulled into a parking space. I scanned the the strip mall beside the restaurant for the number and figured Clay was sending me to buy a new appliance or there was a technical center I could be trained to become a medical biller.  Hmm, I decided to call him.
“Hi Honey, I’m sitting in the parking lot of Perkins and I’m just wondering if you were thinking I needed a new career or a new appliance? Maybe the address is one of those invisible things like in Harry Potter and I should just drive the van straight into the side of the building.”

“Okay, hold on a second….”

This is how Clay and I communicate when I need directions.  I can’t tell you how many times I have called him from my van and said something like, “I can’t find it.  I’m headed west on 12th street, passing Elm and I can’t see it.” Without complaint he always responds, “Okay, hold on a second…” And then he immediately does a map search for me and dictates my route.  He’s like my own personal OnStar.  By the way, I don’t have a GPS or OnStar….I have a Clay. I would surely be lost without him.

“Look across the street.  Do you see a Thai Restaurant?”

“Yes, am I going to eat Thai food now?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, just drive over there and I think you’ll figure it out.”

“Okay, thanks Honey.  Thanks for doing this, I’m having a lot of fun.”

“You’re welcome, now go.”

 

When I drove across the street I saw under the Thai Food sign a smaller sign for a little nail salon.  Oh!  I was going to get my nails done.  I knew exactly who would be there to get her nails done with me.  For one, Clay would never have found a place like this without her help and two, there would be only one friend that would know about a little place tucked in a hideaway spot like this.  I saw her the second I pulled into the parking lot.

It was Beth!  I’ve called her Poodle on this site.  Beth is my tiny friend that is up for anything/anytime as long as it’s cheap and we can take all our kids.  She is so good for me for many reasons.  She tries so very hard to get me to the gym every morning.  She has six kids and an endless amount of energy.  I love Beth because she’s real.  She doesn’t hide anything from anyone, she just lays it out on the table.  Beth is good for my budget.  She totally understands how to be frugal, but have fun.  She’s one of those women that doesn’t let things get in her way of accomplishing a goal. She’s got great kids too.  I really love having her in my life.

Beth and I didn’t experience the fabulous effects of a pedicure until we were in our early 30′s.  We were both moms with a bunch of kids and much too strapped on time and cash to consider our toes. I think this was the first pedicure I’d had in four years.  Every girl should try to go do this at some point in their life, it’s just too wonderful not to experience.

Beth and I were the only two customers in the little salon.  We laughed and told stories with the owner as she worked on our feet and hands. During my pedicure is when Beth announced that we really need to start couponing.  And now, we’re couponing.

Beth and I have pinky promised that the very second all our children are out of the house we are going to take pottery classes and knitting classes and get pedicures more often.  Then we laugh because by then we’ll both probably have six or more grand kids and knowing how we are with our children, those grand kids will be by our sides all the time.  We plot strategy on how we can get our kids to live close to us, but not too close and also never borrow money from us, or mess up our houses.  We’ve thought about moving and not telling them where our new house is even though it’s in the same town.  We’ll visit them, they just can’t visit us!

Beth and I both chose to get our nails buffed instead of painted.  Why?  Because we don’t have time to keep our nails painted.  I’ve learned this from experience.  I might paint my nails once every two years or so and it freaks out everyone in my family.  It’s best just to leave them unpainted.

I asked Beth how long she had known about Clay’s little plan and she said, “Oh, you know.  A while.”  When I asked her who was watching her youngest which is the same age as my youngest she said, “Clay has her and Levi, he picked them up from school and took them out for lunch.”  I stared at her and at that moment I thought, I married a Saint.

This picture cracks me up, because it looks like I could eat Beth in one bite.  She’s pretty much a bite-sized person.  I love her, I’m so glad we got to spend this time together getting a little bit of pampering.

Then Beth had to go get her kids and she handed me another envelope.

I was thinking, okay this will probably be my last surprise.

 

I had to laugh when I read the apology about driving around.  Really?  I’m being treated like a queen I think I can drive a few miles.  Maybe I should complain about the driving and then he’ll hire me a chauffeur.  I’m kidding!  No, not really, he should totally hire me a driver, how could he leave out that detail?

So there were more surprises.  I was really in a state of shock at this point.  I couldn’t believe this day was going on like it was.  First breakfast with Kiana and her gift for me and then a little shopping stroll downtown and purchasing my favorite mug and then a pedicure and manicure with Beth and now, now I get to have lunch with another friend?  This was an amazing, unforgettable day.

I was rolling through my friend index wondering who would be at the restaurant.  I was wondering if Clay had thought about a couple of my St. Louis friends, but then that would be too much for them to travel.  So, who would it be.  My other girlfriends would be busy working, but it could be them.  He did say him/her, maybe it was Clay.  He was going to meet me for the grand finale and we’d share lunch together.  Okay, that was really thoughtful of him.  I couldn’t wait to give him a big hug and kiss.

…to be continued.

 

 

 

 

The Birthday Saga Part II

If you want to start from the beginning of this story click:
Part I
Clay gave me a sheepish grin as I held the envelope in my hand.  I married an architect, every time he hands me something that he has touched with a pen it is very obvious that he was trained to hold a writing instrument in a certain way.  I have a collection of the most adorable and lovely pictures, letters, poems, home-made cards and envelopes from him.  Nobody puts together a card like Clay Phillips….nobody.

I opened the card while all my kids smiled and wished me happy birthday.  I think I might have said something like, “What’s this all about?”  And then I read the card.  I was silenced.
I looked at Clay who calmly said, “You need to go get ready.” I gave him a big hug.  Was it going to be him?  That was really sweet, maybe he’s rushing the kids to school and then he’ll meet me for breakfast. But, he said he had a really busy day, so it probably wasn’t going to be him.

As I quickly showered and got ready I started to think if I could have breakfast with any of my friends who would it be?  There was only one lady who I wanted to see at that cafe.  She’s the one friend that I have shared many cups of coffee with over the last four years.  She was the first woman to welcome me back to this town with loving arms and graciousness. She was also one of the women that helped send me off when we moved away from this town.  Our daughters were in a preschool/mom group together and she had taken my job as hospitality coordinator for the group, she purchased my going-away gift.  Although we didn’t know each other well way back then, we have become very good friends upon my return.  She understands the way I do things, she’s quirky and artistic.  She loves good food.  She didn’t get mad at me the one time I threw my cup of coffee all over her living room…I swear it was an accident, it exploded out of my hand and there was coffee on the carpet, couch, wall, table…you get the picture, it was awful and she just laughed at me as I panicked to find a towel.  She is a giver.  She has clothed my boys with hand me downs, passed down curriculum, books, toys, tomato cages and on and on.  She is generous beyond measure with her time, her talents and her heart.  We’ve shared lots of laughter and some tears.  We’ve lamented our children and husbands.  We’ve rejoiced our children and husbands.  We share a love for the beauty of the country and the slow paced life.  She has marveled at my little life accomplishments and I brag of her obvious talents. She is a true friend, one that  is nestled deep in my heart and is forever dear to me.

I really hoped it would be her.

And it was.

I was so relieved to see Kiana at the cafe.  I told her, “Oh!  I was hoping it was going to be you!!!”  And in sweet Kiana fashion she replied, “Really?  Oh, that makes me feel so good.”  That’s Kiana.  Pure.  Sweet. Lovely. Never thinks she deserves the goodness that she herself exudes.  Oh, and she’s one hell of a photographer.  Our birthdays are just a few days apart so it was fun to be able to treat her to breakfast and get to talk to her without any interruptions from our busy lives.  What an absolutely perfect gift this was to me.  And I would have been completely satisfied if this was the end of my birthday.  But it wasn’t.

 

Another sweet friend just happened to be having breakfast with her husband that morning at the same cafe.  This is Leslie.  She’s a western Kansas girl like me, we know exactly what the other one is talking about when we say heel instead of hill and seal instead of sill, it’s an accent thing I guess.  Leslie is pretty wonderful to say the least.  She’s almost as tall as me so we talk about being tall girls.  She makes me smile.  I absolutely adore her family.  She has four kids, her youngest two are twins, a boy and a girl.  If I could steal her daughter and make her mine I would in a heartbeat.  Every time I see the little girl she runs up and hugs me very tightly around my waist.  I’m thinking she’s going to be at least 5’11″ tall, so she is in my book as future wife material for my boys.  See, I might get to adopt her anyway! If not, I’m just very blessed that she thinks I’m worthy of one of her hugs. Leslie and I have an imaginary date for coffee sometime before we die.  We both want to hang out with each other, but we have a phobia of picking up the phone and making a date.  We both rely on our friends to do the calling and asking, which makes it fairly impossible for Leslie and I to ever have coffee.  I think we might be best friends if one of us would go to counseling and get over our phobia.  Leslie, if you’re reading this, email me, then text me….I think we can avoid phone calls all together. Maybe we could just randomly show up at the same coffee spot at the same time and avoid the initial planning stages all together.

I love it when Kiana is around and I have my camera with me.  She can do things with it that I will never be able to do.  Like this scone, she made this scone pop out of my camera.  I know!  She gets to talking about all the features on my camera and I wonder why I have a dishwasher, because I think it can do that too!  It doesn’t do much good to own a nice camera if you don’t know that it can make scones.  I’m just sayin’.  I need to learn how to use my camera.

Kiana’s gift was, as always, very generous.  She gave me this sweet glass container that I want to put in my bathroom full of pretty soaps when I get it painted, hahahahaha, oh, like I’m ever going to get it painted!  For now, it’s living in my kitchen on a high shelf so my boys won’t break it, I suspect it will be there for a very long time.  She also gave me a gift card for her photography, which I adore.

Did I mention Kiana has a tiny streak of sarcasm in her?  I love that.  I can’t wait to use this for my family and this time I’m going to actually print the photos and put them in frames!

We were busy talking and laughing when I looked out the window and saw Clay’s truck drive by.  I said to Kiana, “There goes Clay!”  and then she said, “Oh, it’s time for me to give you this.”

She pulled out another white envelope and handed it to me. I asked her how long she had known about this little plan.  She casually said, “Oh, a while.  Now, you open that and then you need to go.”

Inside envelope two was a very fun treat that I would take as a gift for every holiday and be completely happy.

Steve Coburn (Clay spelled his name wrong, but I can’t expect him to be perfect all the time) is my all time favorite Kansas Potter.  He makes simple functional items.  I have two of his mugs that I use everyday, but they have both chipped and I was really hoping to get a new one.  There is one store in town that sells his pottery.  I was excited that I would get to purchase a new mug, but mostly that I would get to go into the Phoenix Gallery without having to say, “This is a NO TOUCH store.” three billion times. I was going to get to browse through a lot of breakable items without having my Mommy Antenna on high alert the entire time.  That alone would have been a very good gift for me and I would have been completely satisfied.

Kiana and I headed for the parking lot and were saying our goodbyes when I noticed a tall striking figure walking away from us.  “Kiana, there’s Clay.”

“Honey…..I can see you.”  I yelled as he continued to walk away from us.

He didn’t acknowledge me as he quickly side stepped behind the only tree in the parking lot.  Kiana and I laughed, “I know you’re behind the tree.  But, I’ll try to pretend that I never saw you.”

If there’s one thing Clay can do, it’s make people laugh.  He is very gifted with physical comedy.

Laughter has been at the core of our relationship since the moment I met him.  “Honey, I can see your giant head.”

Clay reluctantly came out from behind the tree and said, “Dang it!  I was hoping you two would be so busy talking that you wouldn’t notice me.”  Then he told me that there was a little glitch in his plan.  When he drove downtown to The Phoenix Galley it was no longer there.  This news alone made me very sad.  How could that store be gone?!  I loved that store!  Clay had to rearrange my schedule so he was in the parking lot to drop off another envelope for me, but was hoping to get away without me seeing him.

Now, let’s stop for just a second and take a look at Clay.  He’s dressed for work, so I assumed he was working.  He had also woke up that morning, sat on the edge of the bed and said, “Hm, I feel a bit achey.”  I asked him if he was feeling better and he said, “Yeah, I’m fine.”  I looked at his face and thought he looked a bit pasty even for him.  I hoped he really was feeling okay.

I hugged Kiana goodbye.  Clay told me to get the envelope that he left in the van for me.

It was waiting on the steering wheel.  I was wondering how many of these wonderful little envelopes I would receive, surely this was the last one.  I figured my day would be done in another hour since I would need to pick up Levi from Kindergarten.

On the back of the envelope Clay had written a little note about the sad news of The Phoenix Gallery closing.

Clay hung around long enough to take photos of me opening the envelope and then he said he had to get back to work.  I told him thank you for such a lovely morning he smiled and said, “You know, your 41st birthday is really the big one to celebrate.  This was my plan all along.”  I pinched his butt and said, “Yeah, nice recovery effort.”  I casually opened the envelope to see what my next treat was.

I couldn’t believe I still had more birthday surprises coming to me.  I wasn’t sure what this appointment was , but I was thinking it must be some sort of spa treatment of sorts.  I knew it wasn’t the hair school where I normally get my hair done, so maybe it was a nice salon where there were no instructors hovering near by to correct any mistakes.  I said goodbye to Clay and he headed back to work.

Since I had a little time, I decided I would use some of the cash I had left over from breakfast to pay my parking ticket and then head downtown to browse a few shops before heading off to my appointment.

Our downtown is on Massachusetts Street.  We say, Mass in reference to going downtown.  So I went to browse the fun shops on Mass.  And we have a lot of fun shops.  Then behold!  I saw the store I really wanted to see!

The Phoenix Gallery!  It hadn’t closed, it had just moved!!!  Hooray!  I was thrilled.  I ran in and bought my new mug and texted Clay a photo of it.  I would have been completely thrilled if this would have been the end of my birthday surprises.  Breakfast with a good friend and a new mug.  It was a great day!  But, I had one more stop to make and another friend waiting for me.  I wondered who it might be.

 

…to be contiued.

 

The Long Overdue Birthday Saga Part I

Last year for my 40th birthday I had told Clay I didn’t want a big party because I wouldn’t have time to get the house in order, I didn’t want people to go to any trouble, I didn’t want to spend a lot of money on hosting a big extravaganza, I wasn’t really feeling like being the center of attention and I really just wanted some peace and quiet.

Clay tells me that I am impossible when it come to gifts.  I either ask for something completely unattainable like an addition to the house that will have a laundry room with six washers and twelve dyers so we can get laundry done in one day and, of course,  an employee to do it for me, or I ask for something really minuscule like a new coffee mug, that’s all, just a coffee mug. The contrast is so great to him that he has NO idea what to get me.  The absurdity of just buying a small, inexpensive gift for me is too much for him, he doesn’t think that could possibly make me happy.  I can’t seem to convince him that if he were to stop by a store and buy my favorite brand of chapstick and hand it to me at the end of the day, I would break down in tears.  Because, it’s the thought of him knowing it’s my favorite chapstick, knowing where to find it and taking the time to go get it.  That’s the big deal to me. But, Clay is not a shopper.  The only stores he frequently steps foot inside sell groceries and gas. Everything else is electronics to him. If I wanted a computer or a camera or a TV or an iPhone, he would know exactly where to get it and which model to buy.  It is very rare for him to shop for anything that is not an absolute dire need right at the moment.  This is a good thing when we are on a tight budget.  This is a bad thing when it’s his wife’s birthday.

I try to help Clay know what I want.  When I’m in the store with my kids I will point to items and say, “If you are ever with your dad shopping for me (then I  pause and try to imagine when that would be and what that would look like) tell him I want this, this item right here, don’t let him convince you that I wouldn’t like it, because I do, I love it, I want it, tell him to buy it for me.” That tactic has never-ever-not once worked for me.  My daughter will say, “Dad, mom wants this coffee mug.  I was with her shopping and she told me that if you buy her a present, this mug, this one right here on the clearance shelf marked $4.99, this mug, this one, she would really like it.”  To which my sweet Clay will look at his darling daughter and say, “She would never like something like that” then proceed to walk through the store  unable to buy his wife anything because she wouldn’t like one thing in that store.

Last year I posted a very long list on his facebook of what he could get me for my birthday.  Here’s the list:

Clay Phillips: flowers for the urns, pot rack, barstools, Steve Coburn pottery, pedicure, prints of Kiana’s photos for the black frames, a clean van, upstairs floors finished, can lights for the dining room, cute white serving trays from TJMaxx, a trip with you, a weekend without kids, garden beds..built, filled and ready for me to plant, long beaded necklaces (let Ellen pick them out..wait, never mind), a clean house, the porch fixed, someone to make the cushions for the porch furniture…and repair the porch furniture, new dining room chairs, clean windows, a personal assistant, ground cover for the Margaret Roach area, brick patio, the back porch fixed, fresh gravel in the driveway, the kids to do their own dad-gum laundry, a Dexter cow, the long haired barn cats to quietly disappear, your home-made carrot cake, a cute apron that doesn’t look one bit manly, CUTE dishtowels-that means they match my kitchen and have a high cuteness factors to them and would never be mistaken for a rag to be used to check the oil, my washer fixed, my dyer fixed, an endless supply of travel mugs, exercise clothes, a cute ball cap, a cute new purse from Amy’s Etsy store, a new/old wedding band, more storage shelves in the basement and barn, for every single photo on every single computer to be put on that external hard drive so I can use them whenever I want, Word for my computer. There…there’s a wide variety of things I would love…you can’t go wrong. And notice that nowhere on this list is a CAMERA!!!!

Oh, and you…I’ll take you too.

See?  Doesn’t that make it easy for him?  I really thought that was a nice list of things that he could choose randomly from to do for me or buy for me.  Honestly, I had no idea this would make it more difficult for him, I didn’t get a gift from him or my children on my 40th birthday. I seriously need to think of a different strategy of telling them what I want.  Obviously saying, “I want that coffee mug” is not working for me.  I’m afraid I’m going to turn into the woman that goes out, buys her gift, wraps it and says to her family, “Here, hand this to me, you got me this really awesome gift.”

I woke up on my birthday hoping that everyone would let me sleep in and they could pack their own darn lunches, but instead I got up and did the same thing I always do and not one of my children wished me happy birthday. Were they serious?  When they left I thought maybe they would run back in and give me a giant hug and hand me a card…or something. I couldn’t believe that not one of them wished me happy birthday.  Then I started to fear that maybe they had planned a surprise party for me and they were just pretending to ignore me.  Yes, that was probably what they were doing.  Crap, was I going to have to spend the day cleaning the house?  Did I need to find something clean to wear?  I thought Clay would call any second and tell me some story about how I needed to do something before a certain time so the house was clean and I was ready.

A little before noon I called to see if Clay would want to go to lunch, but he was out of town at a meeting, so I took myself out to lunch for my birthday with my then 5yo.  Obviously, Clay couldn’t have lunch with me, because he was cooking up a plan and didn’t want to throw me off.   I picked the kids up from school and headed to track practice. I bet they’re all going to surprise me at practice.  That’s the plan.  I figured it out.  Practice started, kids complained about running, kids complained about their events, my little boys ran around annoying me and asking tons of questions.  Nobody wished me happy birthday.  Not even my own kid that was on the team.  I was starting to think I might be wrong about this whole surprise thing, which was good because I was totally okay not being surprised.  But I was certain a present was in the works somewhere.

I was wind blown and sweaty when Clay showed up at practice and asked where I’d like to go for dinner. Was he serious? He didn’t have reservations somewhere?  Oh, but maybe there was a gift waiting for me in his truck.  Yes, I bet he and the kids had put their brains together and there was a gift waiting for me in his truck, he had to pick it up at lunch and that’s why he couldn’t have lunch with me today.  I was so on to them, they can’t sneak anything by me.  I walked over to Clay’s truck and noticed there was nothing on the seat.  Okay, so maybe it’s a big gift and he took it home to surprise me or while I was gone he went home and installed new dining room lights or fixed the dryer or….no, he’s in his dress clothes.  Maybe he got me a Steve Coburn mug and it’s in his bag!   I asked if I should go home and change, but Clay said I looked fine and my daughter only had any hour before she had to be at another event, so I had to go out in my yoga pants, old t-shirt, wind blown hair and no make-up to a place that was most convenient for our daughter to not be late for her event.  I was starting to give up hope that there might be a gift.  I could tell Clay was starting to feel bad and he apologized that he hadn’t done anything for me that day. He had contacted some of my friends to get together, but I had told him I didn’t want a party so he canceled it. I was totally okay with that.

He asked if I wanted to go to a furniture store in Kansas City to look at chairs. I have been asking for new dining room chairs for the past seven years. I finally broke down and bought some used chairs at an antique mall, but  now all those chairs have problems, like the two that I wove fabric seats for a few years ago. The fabric is so loose now that when you sit down you can get a nice butt flossing. I agreed to go.  We looked at chairs and found some we both liked, but they were expensive and I could tell purchasing those chairs was going to be a huge burden for us.  We wandered over to the electronics department and looked at cameras.  My old camera had bit the dust and it’s pretty hard to blog without being able to take photos.  I kept telling him I DID NOT want a camera for my birthday, but there we were looking at them.  The boys were getting restless and I was tired.  We left the store without purchasing anything.  On the drive home I stared out my window and let the tears stream down my face.  I didn’t want Clay or the boys to know what an incredibly crappy birthday I was having. I was really feeling sorry for myself, like heaping loads of self pity were being piled on top of my head.  I felt old, I was 40! I didn’t feel like I had accomplished very much.  My family obviously didn’t feel I was worth celebrating, I guess I hadn’t done enough for them to be celebrated. My track kids didn’t care about me, I don’t think they even like me or know my name.  I’m just another person yelling at them to do stuff and a driver that gets them where they need to go. As for the presents, I didn’t need any presents and I could go on Craigslist and find some more used chairs that would last us a few years and one by one they would break.  I still don’t have new chairs or used chairs. Our dining room chair situation is a bit of a standing joke.  I suspect I will never have new chairs, we will slowly burn all the broken ones and then we’ll just sit on the floor to eat. Chairs are so over rated. Was half my life really complete? I was a mess of feeling really sorry for myself for no good reason. Pretty sure I was hormonal too. I never thought turning forty would make me such an emotional mess.

But it did.

And then I got over it.

But, Clay he remembered. Oh, yes, he remembered how sad I was and he felt bad. Really bad.  In fact he decided that for the rest of 2010 everyday would be my birthday.  The next morning he had the little boys deliver me a handmade card, that weekend I came home from buying some flowers and waiting in the garden were new raised beds built by Clay and Seth.  The next month they all went a little over board for Mother’s Day.  I think my sadness and loathing of life might have made them feel a bit guilty. I had to keep reassuring them that it was okay, I was not mad, they could stop being so nice.

This year as my birthday approached I had zero expectations.  I don’t think I talked about it or asked for anything.  The night before I asked Clay if he would take the kids to school and that was all I really wanted.  In the morning I got up, woke up my little boys, packed their lunches and just as the crew started to head out the door, Clay handed me an envelope.

…to be continued.