I would very much like it if someone would bonk me on the head so I won’t remember the past week.
Let’s start with Monday when I drove my daughter to pick up her truck at the repair shop. Clay and I were so relieved that the repairs amounted to $300 instead of the $800 we were envisioning. But, as I was backing out of the parking lot I hit the iron tailgate of a giant flat bed truck and it busted the rear window out of the van. I can’t stop singing, “I bust the window out cha caw..”
Now, get this…the week before the bust the window out my car incident, Clay had backed the van into our truck which busted the rear bumper on the van and that was just a few days after I had backed into a tree leaving a nice dent in the back door and just moments after my husband had asked me where that big dent in the back of the van had come from. My response to his question was a guilty smile with no explanation, but after he crashed into the truck I decided to fess up, “I backed into one of our trees.” I’m not sure that made him feel any better, but it sure took a load of guilt off of me…..until I bust the window out my car.
Guess how much our deductible is? Yep, $500. So, that $800 we were thinking about, essentially is correct. I’m driving around with black trash bags adhered with duct tape across the back that flaps like a Super Hero cape when I excel faster than 30mph. Which is pretty much everywhere I go. One of my son’s friends calls it so “Ghetto”.
I can’t make myself go take photos, so I Googled wrecked van and this was my favorite.
Why? Why did I choose a wrecked van next to a wrecked house. Because….because of the well head. What’s a well head? Well…and I mean well, not well. Why is the English language so stupid and difficult? I mean really, it’s amazing that we think it makes sense, not cents or scents…geeeeez. Anyway, I also Googlely-woogely-wooed a photo of a well head and this is what Google had to offer;
A happy, old man covered with tattoos and white fur.
A Farrah Faucet bust with lumpage coming out of her clavicle bones.
And this.
None of these are well heads or well heads. Stupid English language.
I decided to get off my big-fat-fatty-fat and go outside to take a picture of the darn thing so you know what the Hell a well head is.
This is a well head, not a well head. We still have water, but I think we’re just one little nick of a wire away from not having water. We didn’t realize it was busted until it appeared from under the pile of snow that was covering it. My neighbor plowed into it when he was doing us a favor by clearing our drive. He has no idea that he did this and I’m not going to tell him.
And while I was at it, I went ahead and took some photos of my beastly ride. I know, I’m awesome and so is my Ghetto Van. Dude.
The Super Hero cape.
I like how the broken well head is in the back ground, like it’s flirting with the van, “Hey Baby, who busted you up? I know your pain Sweet Silver Lady. I’ll show you my broken PVC if you show me your shattered glass. Growrrrrrr.”
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to crawl back into the hole where I’ve been hiding. And I’ll listen to this song fifty more times in lieu of antidepressants.
Fast Tube by Casper
Need a Chicken Doctor?
Contact 
I swore I would drive the minivan till it dropped dead.Several hundred thousand miles later, all the windows bar mine wouldn’t open. Then the AC went. We called it the Punjabi bus. Doors wouldn’t open, radio stopped working etc. The day the rearview mirror came off in my hand I knew I had to think about replacing it. It did die, 10 years after I bought it. I have a newer crossover now. I miss the Punjabi bus every day.
Ah, fellow po’ white trasher, I feel your pain. Do you think that “clear” plastic would be less ticketable? Not that anyone is standing in line to add to your woes, but you could argue more persuasively that your vision is not impaired, dear officer, if maybe it were clear?
Anyway, yes, I had to get a new pressure switch put on my water pump, because Friday – why always on Friday? – it went out. And while I could tap on it and get it started again a time or two, that’s not the most ideal situation when one is alone in the house a flight of stairs away, maybe in the shower and the pump refuses to kick in, you know, maybe, if that were the kind of thing that would happen to a fellow PWT’er, doncha’ know.
To better days for us all. . .
So sorry April. That just plain stinks.
I know the woes of having a well to supply water. The pump usually quits on the coldest day of the year, and on a weekend or holiday.
I want to know what happened to your well head. And I want to know what it is you and your husband are drinking before you climb under the wheel.
Its NOT you. We have that same van and it deliberatly backs into things and keeps a constant dent on the back. We havent fixed after the last go round and now we just have a big “ghetto” dent back there, oh well. Seriously-its NOT you-just that make of van.
Don’t forget that time you ran into the back of that perfectly nice stranger guy’s truck with your van. And weren’t we in the van when we almost did the Swan Dive of Death in the ditch near your house?
Just helping you remember – what are friends for?
Man, all of that stinks. Your poor van.
Egads! That poor van! Ya know after about the 5th dent in my truck I decided it’s a Ranch truck and it needs dents! Maybe you should call the van your Ranch van?
)
As to the water well, Ouch! Might be time for another project? Building a well house so everyone knows where the well head is at…it’s just an idea? Love the music video, thanks for sharing
I think both you and Clay need refresher courses in reverse driving!!! And – please tell me neither of you taught Ellen how to drive!!! Of course, my 1996 Nissan has too many marks and dents to count. Oh, and my A/C is out of commission (estimate – the magic $800) so I’m praying for winter to last a few more months!!! Sorry about the well pump, too!!!
oh boy. I thank my lucky stars every time I get into our van and the back-up camera comes on. It has ruined me for every other car though. I get into my husband’s Yaris and can’t back up properly to save my life.
Oops. Forgive me for asking a question you had answered in this post. That’s what I get for speed-reading.
I think the universe is unwell lately. My entire month of February has been like poo, and an unofficial scanning of facebook tells me I am not alone.
Just in case you didn’t know- if you go to a auto glass repair shop- they have this fancy see through saran wrap type stuff that they can magically tape on where your window used to be. It is what they typically offer while they order your glass and wait for it to come in. Still kind of ghetto- but not quite the black trash bag kind.
I’m nothing if not helpful. You’re welcome. (sorry about your luck this week- but thanks for blogging, I LOVE your blog!)
Oh man! If you didn’t have bad luck you’d have no luck at all! Wish I could at least loan you my well guy…
just so ya know…I FEEL your pain. These past few weeks have been horiffic. I’m just kinda stumbling around @ this point. and I just want to be OK. sending positivity your way.
We had a van that we called “Big Ugly”. We backed into a pole and dented the back door so that you could see daylight in the crack of the door.
Aren’t you glad you have the “Dave Ramsey” reserve? LOl
A lawnmower in the bed of my ’91 F150 rolled forward and broke the rear cab window. I used clear packing tape in a weave pattern to keep it covered…for over 3 years.
My young son tried to move the truck in the driveway for me and ran into the hitch of our trailer, putting a nice dent in the bumper. He was pretty upset so I told him to take a hammer and put a matching dent on the other side so it looks symetrical. He felt better after that.
I sold the ol’ thing for $400 to a guy who wanted to give it to his 18 yo son and hauling construction junk. To be honest, I don’t know who got the better deal…
We don’t have a well, or well head, but I’ll trade you a busted basement foundation for it. I’ll throw in a 15yo with a learners permit!
I forgot to ask, are you sure you got that picture of my twin brother by googling “well head”? I’d recognize that bald head anywhere.
April,
Larry had to take a driving class for work last year. Something like 90% of accidents happen while backing up. Larry tries not to back up at all if he can possibly help it!
Thanks for making me laugh out loud AND snort this morning! It makes me remember when we had an enormous Mercury Grand Marquis. We bought it used, and over the years we owned it we had to replace the power window mechanisms on all 4 windows, so I am familiar with the pride of stylin’ the black plastic trash bag… My favorite memory of owning the car was the electrical wiring had some type of glitch that caused the car to refuse to start. The remedy? Pop the hood and jiggle the wires. Yes, a cheap fix, but OH the ghetto factor!
Oh, April!! You just gave me my first grin for today. My three boys and I have all been sick, (thank GOD my husband has remained healthy!) passing nasty colds back and forth for FIVE weeks now. I’m feeling crabby and irritable and oh yeah, did I forget to mention that we are supposed to be moving next week? LOL
Thank you sooo much for sharing your misery. I LOVE the song too. I just might be back to watch it a couple more times.
that is a great song; next week will be better
“Water well heads” got the pictures you wanted. Yours was way funnier. Thanks for making us all laugh.
Don’t worry, it will all be OK. If it makes you feel any better, I crashed our brand new 5 month old van, we got it fixed, but it was undrivable from the crash scene. I felt terrible, until my husband crashed his 1 week old, brand new car……….he could drive his away from the scene, but the indicator light wouldn’t go off.
Very sorry about your week.
Drivers training anyone?!! This week working on backing up skills!! Expensive week for your family.
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and never commented — I think I’m one of those “lurker” people! However, this just made me laugh so much, I had to post. I was instantly brought back to my childhood and the big trip to Disney with my parents when my Dad busted the driver’s side window, making the remaining 10 hour drive a very noisy and cold affair, as it was February. We rolled up to the Polynesian Village with that big Hefty duct taped to the side of the car and I feel confident that it looked like the Clampetts just arrived for vacation. Thanks for bringing back that great memory!
This made me laugh. My mom always said “if its going to rain its going to pour!” Thats life for you! Good luck getting it all fixed.
I can’t match that Epic Saga of Woe, but my little pickup is wearing a superhero cape on its back window, too. Connect these dots: basketball goal(free)+ nice donor with no commmon sense + nice husband with no common sense (did they not notice the thing can FOLD for transport)+ railroad overpass + trees overhanging driveway = more expensive than buying a new basketball goal.
Am wishing you better luck (good, please God). I quickly stopped giggling when I remembered the runs of bad luck with our four kids, and three dogs. Yes, we have a well head, too, but it’s flush with the ground.
Fudgesicles woman, I am crying up here!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!! I LOVE the photo of the trailer and wrecked van because that’s about what we need to move into and the rest of the photos and story just made it perfect!
Thanks for the laugh today
Blessings and hoping you don’t fully break the well pump,
Captain Momma
I know there are already 31 comments, but i am (at the same time) laughing my head off and feeling so bad for you…I can’t decide which is the stronger impulse:) oops! I guess it was the laugh! Hope your week improves, the sahmsisters are thinking of you:)
You need to get some yellow duct tape or traditional silver and do the whole Superman thing on the bag, except with a “V”. You know “It’s a Train! It’s a Ghetto Ride!! No! It’s SuperVAN!!! Her she comes to horrify her friends and Neighbors!!!” (not to mention children.)
No seriously I feel your pain! You know, it could be dead and you’d have to get a new car. That is probably more than 800.00 dollars. And if it wasn’t it would probably be in worse shape than your van. Chin up! maybeyou should get one of those horribly ugly rocks for your well head.
Awesome Ghetto van. I like. And as for the well head – that SUCKS! Amusing blog though! lol
I know you have the urge to chuck it and go buy a new van………but Dave Ramsey’s ruined that for you, hasn’t he? I know I’m in the same boat with you. I curse the day I met the man, and by met, I mean the day we started his course. I can’t even buy a super trashy OK magazine to read during my bath because of Dave. Sorry about the van, and thanks for the song. I needed it after looking at the happy, old man covered with tattoos and white fur.
the wanna be country girl – Caroline
[...] found the picture below in a post over at Coal Creek Farm. April, the blogger, found it by Googling “well [...]
What a rotten week! Hope the next one is better, April.
Try “wellhead” next time. I work in the oilfield – we make up half the jargon we use. Lovin’ the ghetto van. If you’ll use some baling wire to hold the bumper on, you can upgrade from “ghetto” to “redneck”.
Please – stop everything before its too late. Go south to the nearest amusement park with bumper cars and get this out of your system – Ellen too. Don’t go back home until its safe again. You may be able to hold out and go over Easter break, but you guys look pretty chronic to me. Next step, up funding to auto budget category.
I enjoy posts and your sense of humor. Sorry you are going through this right now.
OY, double OY!!! April if it will make you feel any happier about this whole bang up after another. Our neighbor was being so kind to come over and plow our 1/4 mile drive for us – he’s in his 70′s and I think it was the 3rd plowing after one of the storms that plowed through this area (also, same area as yours) I was upstairs at some point during all his plowing and happened to look out the window when it happened!!! Our 2 cars were parked behind each other on level ground, one with chains on the tires and a tow rope hooked to the little car behind to pull it out to the highway in case of an emergency. So there’s neighbor and he thinks our cars are stuck ( this I found later ) and so he’s plowing up really close to the cars with his big John Deer Tractor and front loader with a back blade to move snow. The tractor jumped from loosing traction from the heavy snow on the sides and then the car with the chains on it jumped.Tractor stops, neighbor gets off, so I head out. The back blade of tractor caught the bumper and rrrrrrrrrrr ripped it completely off. Lights and all! Major damage that took my hubs several days to fix after the storms were all over. Gluing parts back together, sort of a jigsaw work of art. But it’s back together and everything works. Thankfully it’s an older car and the looks of it are not all that important.
Poor neighbor, we felt so bad for him because he was over doing a good deed for us so we would be able to get out for medical if need be.
“like it’s flirting with the van, “Hey Baby, who busted you up? I know your pain Sweet Silver Lady. I’ll show you my broken PVC if you show me your shattered glass. Growrrrrrr.”
Can’t. Stop. Laughing.
We’ve all been there, April! And it will be ok.
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