I had to post that photo of my girlfriend’s feet. Do you see what she did to her toe? We were late to church because she was inside painting that band-aid. I’m pretty sure I would do the same thing.
Okay, now on to my failures…get comfy, this could take a while.
1. I have wrecked every side of my van. The last one was in a parking garage when some little college girl stopped to close to me and I ran into a concrete barrier.
2. When I heard the van crunch against the concrete I said the F word.
3. My oldest son was in the car and was horrified that I let go the F bomb.
4. So I wrecked the car and my motherly image all in a matter of a few seconds.
5. My son lectured me for at least 5 minutes about how to control my tongue and my anger.
6. I’m now being raised by a 14 year-old boy.
7. I can’t stop getting into Poison Ivy.
8. I know what it looks like and I weigh if it’s worth the agony then I go ahead and pull it anyway.
9. I always regret it the next day and the day after that and the day after that…
10. Last night at about 3:00 in the morning Clay mumbled, “April! You are driving me crazy!” I meekly asked, “Why?” “THE SCRATCHING! STOP SCRATCHING!!!”
11. I have used every trick in the book to battle this rash….all the advice you give me, I do it. I still suffer.
12. Have I mentioned I’m an idiot? Yes, it’s true.
13. There is a 95% chance that I will come in contact with Poison Ivy again in the next few weeks.
14. I can’t seem to get anything done in my kitchen.
15. At this very moment there is a pot on my stove with grape juice to make jelly that has fermented.
16. I guess I’m making wine.
17. I have a chicken with a huge gaping wound on her back.
18. My cat had an abscess explode on her side.
19. My dog ate the scab I picked off of the chicken’s back.
20. My cat likes to lay on me so the wound drains on my shirt.
21. My animals are making me gag and I’m thinking farm life is really gross.
22. Did I mention I have some sort of upper respiratory cough thing?
23. You can’t imagine how fun it is to sleep with me between the coughing and the scratching, I’m all a person needs for a restful night.
24. My baby lost his second tooth yesterday.
25. The tooth fairy totally forgot.
26. Preacher, also known as Head of Farm Security, does not trust me.
27. I’m the only one that treats his ears and whenever he hears me call his name, he slinks upstairs and hides under my bed or he freezes and acts like if he doesn’t move I won’t see him.
28. I see counseling sessions in our future.
30. I have a towel bar in our bathroom that falls down every, single, dad-gum, time I touch it.
31. I’ve bought two different sets of hooks to use instead of the #!*$ towel bar.
32. Neither of the hooks fit, so I have to go back to the store to find some that work.
33. In the mean time…I fear for the well being of that towel bar.
34. I might need bathroom fixture counseling too.
35. It’s only a matter of time before I scream the F word at the towel bar.
36. Did I mention I’m a wee bit itchy?