When I was potty training you boys did I hold up a picture of a fire hose and say, “Like this…all over the bathroom, okay?”
When I taught you to put your clothes away did I say, “The folded clothes go back in the dirty hamper and the dirty underwear go everywhere?”
When I showed you how to put the dishes away did I hide all the utensils in various drawers around the kitchen and stick some in the dog food bin?
Have I ever said it was okay to not clean up after yourself? Yes, I must have said that, so often in fact that you are completely dedicated to NEVER cleaning up after yourself.
Is there a single puzzle or game in our house that has all its pieces? No, because I taught you to lose them, break them and scatter them like rose petals in the yard.
Who can find their shoes? Nobody…I taught you well.
Who has their coat and mittens? Nobody…I’m a success!
Who put their toothbrush on the counter and spit blobs of toothpaste in the sink? My children…I’m so proud!
Who is hungry the minute I put the last dish back in the refrigerator? Okay… that’s me and I’ve taught you all that too.
How much longer are you all going to live in this house with me? Don’t answer that.
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It was Clay. He was standing behind you holding up the signs. The boys were only pretending they were listening to you. Their daddy did it. That’s the story in my house and I’m stickin’ to it.
Wow, Sista, you are singing to the choir!!! I’ve been planning my revenge for years now. When my oldest has her own house I’m going to take every pair of shoes I own and go dump them all over her living room! I’m going to take all the clothes out of drawers (assuming at that point she’ll use the dresser drawers) and put them in her hamper. And every time I get a drink of milk I’ll leave her milk on the counter. The only problem is that she is only 12 and I have YEARS of frustration to endure!! And chick, about those boys in the bathroom…make them sit. My boy sits even though his dad thinks it’s “weird”. Although you don’t hear daddy offering to clean the bathroom. Wow…I could rant forever on this subject. Last week a contestant on The Price is Right won a year’s worth of maid service valued at $2820. I’m saving as we speak!! Take a deep breath, April, and don’t show any weakness….YOU will prevail!
Have you thought about using reverse psychology on them? Just a thought..
Sad to say that I agree with Tiffany, everyone sits in this house. Since I’m the one who has to clean the bathroom we play by my rules. If either of them wants to stand they get to clean it up that week. As for the other things, let me know if you figure them out.
Another choir member here: you have no idea how many times we have these very same (almost word for word)”discussions” in our house. I mean kids in the gifted program and they cant even manage certain basic household tasks-unbelievable!And yet when my slob of a daughter (said lovingly) went off to college she called home to let me know how fun “swiffering” was and that “hated to stop”. This the same daughter who grew up in a house where she could have used the swiffer anytime (its not like i said no or locked it up) to manage the tumbleweeds of hair the dogs leave! I dont get it either. I have one friend with 6 kids-4 boys and they have one bathroom out of the whole house they are allowed to use for this very reason.
Oh, I hate the toothpaste all over the sink. But my kids leave their toothbrushes all over the house . . . weird, huh? And they always leave their wet towels on the floor. And stuff their clean laundry in their toy boxes.
Weirdos.
Wow! I taught my kids the exact same thing!
You cannot begin to imagine how long you will be asking these questions!
I’m sorry, but this just made me laugh. I only had 1 daughter, but she could trash a house quicker than anyone. She’s all grown and married with a house all her own now. Whenever she starts in complaining about cleaning it, and why won’t her hubby pick up after himself, I about have to bite by lip to keep from snickering. I used to pitch a fit about 2 or 3 times a year. I’m not talking normal yelling; I went into full out drill sargeant mode. Then I would take away priviledges, in her case her horse or tv, and miraculously things would improve. I feel for you…I’ve been there, but with your 4 kids, you’re in a different league. Have you considered charging them to be their maid? It may work if they have to forfeit some of their allowance.
Apparently you’ve been teaching my children, too…
The fruit of my loin behaves in much the same way. Why does my mother think that it is do durn funny?? Could it be the dreaded paybacks?
ditto on the sitting part – everyone does in this house; But who taught them to wander around the house while brushing their teeth, leaving a trail where they go?
Awww, sounds like its the same all over. I say lose the battle, win the war. My boys rooms are pretty messy with clothes all the time, and their bathroom goes from sparkling clean to random rolled up dirty socks in each corner in 1/2 day and all sorts of things all over the counter. Why? Because I don’t demand perfection 24/7 and don’t do it in my room either! Look how happy your kids are in that picture!
My mom says her revenge on me are the two stinkers living under my roof now.
Yup, Yup, Yup….my kids did all that too. Funny thing is that now they all have their own places, they keep things nice and put away and clean! (and complain about messy roommates) That should give you hope.
But don’t let it give you too much hope..because when they come back to visit….the quickly revert back to their childhood!
Someday you will think longingly of these times….Nah! It will get better and I think kids run in cycles. My college daughter was a slob at home and is a neat freak who complains about her room mates now. My Senior daughter used to be Miss clean and tidy and now she’s a slob! hmmm. Tiffany, If I were you I’d not take my shoes to my daughters to leave in the living room cause then you’d have none–just get hers out and toss them around!
I have news for you- it doesn’t change too much after they move out. Many of mine have moved out and they don’t take their stuff with them. The boys come back on weekends or for summers (which is good- I’m fine with that) but when they leave- the room is trashed once again. What the? I just spent two hours cleaning the big boy’s room (for oh, the sixth time) to prepare for the arrival of the grandson. They all claimed the clothes and other crap in the room don’t belong to them!! Not mine! That’s my brother’s! Not mine! I don’t want it! Blah blah blah. They have their own apartments and I’m still dealing with their dirty socks.
It does not change the situation to know all of you deal with the same stuff, but somehow it does help.
What a great post and oh so true. The amazing part is when they grow up and leave they are replaced by grandchildren who do the same darn things in your house. Funny enough, it doesn’t seem so bad then.
Man, am I ever relieved. I was getting pretty sure that my kids are the only ones who have adopted this particular lifestyle. The other day, after growing exhausted by my 6 year old’s disaster disguised as a bedroom, I decided to take pity on her and clean it. She got home from school, walked into her room, and came screaming back out asking, “Mom, what happened?” Not, “Thank you,” not, “You’re the best mom,” not, “I’m so happy.” The sudden appearance of order freaked her out. I guess I need to change up my teaching tactics. =)
Mindy
http://www.thesuburbanlife.com
I don’t have kids yet, but i have similar frustrations with my husband. The trash lies on the counter, and the good stuff ends up in the trash. I stopped trying to figure him out, but i sure am thankful he’s here.
Yeah… I guess my kiddos have learned all the right life skills if yours do the same thing… I wish that were true…what does happen to their shoes though? We actually had to lift a mattress this morning in order to find one before church. The sad part is she WORE those same shoes the day before! Ahhh, life.
Thanks for the chuckle though. (It would have been a belly laugh, if it were not so sadly true…)
Preach it, sister.
My house to a tee…..2 boys who obviously didn’t inherit the clean gene….DH has OCD and is very neat and orderly…but UGH the boys come home from school and a tornado has blown through I think…
Are you looking in my windows? Because this sounds EXACTLY like my four children.
Someday you’ll look back at the sandwich crusts stuffed in the air vents and the bathroom sinks clogged with spinach and the dog pleading with you to save him from the children trying to feed him vegetables again and you’ll laugh. I take that back. Knowing you, you laugh about it already–long, heartily, and often. There isn’t much love and laughter together can’t cure.
You’ve taught them just like I’m teaching mine. We’re such good mothers.
I am currently contemplating putting a lock on the bathroom door and making them ask permission to use it. After they are done, I will check it to make sure they didn’t leave the shower curtain open (my biggest pet peeve), or leave the towels and hand towels on the floor, or leave giant globs of toothpaste in the sink. If I then have to clean up after them, there will be a two chore penalty imposed. When I go in at random times and ask who did these things, the response is always “Not me”. GRRRRRRRR
It’s a comfort to know this is universal. I only have one daughter and can’t believe what a mess she can make. A few weeks ago when I found all the neatly folded clothes I had just laundered tossed all over the floor, I told her she has to do her own laundry. You would have thought I told her she had to sleep outside in winter. She was warned many times before I did it. She is doing it without complaint, but she still tosses stuff around in her room and I try to ignore it.
The editor of “More” magazine recently wrote about her son leaving dirty dishes in his room until they molded. When he went to college he told her that he did it just to annoy her.
Michelle – I like the lock idea! Maybe I’ll also have mine put a quarter in a jar on the counter – no .50 – inflation!
My daughter thinks she can huff at how I clean things now. Deb, I passed my daughter’s laundry on to her after she asked what I did I DO all day? My husband quietly left the room shaking his head after she said that. Now I hear her moan about how she HAS to do laundry AGAIN! I thanked her for making me realize that I was lacking in teaching her some very important life skills!
What I just LOVE to hear is the “I KNOW Mom!” said every time I ask them (for the millionth time) to pick up, put away, etc., etc. The problem, as I explained to my son very succinctly, is NOT in the KNOWING! I KNOW he KNOWS because I have told him hundreds of times and he is a very intelligent boy, with good hearing ( I KNOW because I had his ears checked). The problem is in the DOING! There is no DOING going on! Maybe I’ll just have him leave two quarters on the counter… Oh and every time I have to launch into the “Knowing” speech a dollar?!
At this very moment I have 20 ponies hanging upside down from the shower rod in the bathroom. And blobs of toothpaste all over the counter. I figure no one will notice the toothpaste. They’ll be too freaked out by the bat ponies staring at them to notice.
My favorite thing by far is when I take the garbage out and come back in to put a liner in the can, only to find that someone has thrown something very sticky in the can without a garbage bag. Seriously this happens once a week!!!!!
Hey! What a coincidence! My mother used to say the same things. (I had two older brothers: Notme and Hedidit.) And My First Wife has said them since the day after we got married.
To Amy Jefferies: Remove full bag…put new, clean bag in…take full bag outside.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I feel your pain.
Wow! You know my family too! I am still laughing. Great post!
I feel your pain…I’m just blessed with one well taught teenager…I can’t imagine dealing with more!!!
Great post as always…
So funny! So very true! I read this to my kids and I quote ” Uh Oh they are on to us.” LOL thanks for making my day. It is nice to not feel alone.
My Mother called it ‘Paying for your raising’. If there is one thing that I truly believe, it is that every human being should take care of their own personal needs. I DO NOT care if your name is Obama or Trump, you should pick up your own dirty socks & underwear, put the cap back on the toothpaste & rinse your spit from the sink, rinse your cereal bowl & put it in the dishwasher, feed the pets that are yours & do not leave the TV area with the remote in your hand!
Wow, it is my house… this weekend we cleaned and there was a lot of “not me!” going on, even though I told the kids that one of them MUST have done it since me and their father did not smear toothpaste across the counter top.
On top of that we did homework, where I got a lot of eye rolling. But my biggest pet peeve is the “I don’t get it, it’s stupid!” when they’ve completed 90% of the sheet (correctly I might adD) and decided that they don’t want to finish the rest of it.
I think one day a year for Mother’s Day is not enough… we should get one day out of the month where the kids hire a maid… ahhh to dream.
…hmmmm, that’s the same thing I taught my AND my husband, too. Great minds think alike…
Amen. As a single mother of three boys, I feel your pain. However, you WILL miss them when they leave. At times my heart aches with missing mine.
Did you ever hear Sandra Boynton’s song “The One Shoe Blues”? I laughed so hard that I cried when I heard it. My kids didn’t think it was nearly as funny. I can’t tell you how many times have I spent half an hour looking for a single shoe. They go together – why would you leave them in different parts of the house? Did you take one shoe off and then go upstairs to take the other one off? These are questions that plague me – and the children never answer them.
The other thing in our house is the daily spilling of the milk. Don’t cry over spilt milk they say. What they don’t say is that if you do, you will eventually run out of tears.
Is your sister alive?
This post was hilarious. I am so happy to read all these comments and know that I’m not alone-especially the boys peeing everywhere thing. My 7 year old tends to get pee all over the seat. We have a deal now that if I see any pee on the seat or if I have to flush the toilet after him (grrr!) then he cleans all the toilets in the house (we have 3). Its working well. He’s figured out its way easier to just sit down than to clean the toilets.
Each one’s gift when the turn 18: Luggage.
When they ask you what you got for them, just tell them this “I let you live this far.” (My brother and I both giggled at the luggage and response that my mom gave us)
Just discovered your blog recently. I like it a lot. If you get a chance to stop by Easy Street–there is a mention of you there today. Have a great day!
I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only one that taught those things to my children! I feel so much better now!
I sometimes wonder the very same things…
I taught my son to pile his clean laundry on TOP of the dresser and let if fall in loose piles together over the weeks until it eventually falls onto the floor and must be washed and reloaded on the dresser top. Dresser drawers are meant to hold negative space that must never be invaded.
I also carefully taught him peel off his socks and ball them in a tight wad to be used as artilery against the dog. The winner of this game finds all the sock balls behind the couch, under the book cases, in the pantry….and then tosses them into the washing machine and dryer to come out as slightly damp sock balls..
Love this, gonna share this with my friends! Well put!