When I was potty training you boys did I hold up a picture of a fire hose and say, “Like this…all over the bathroom, okay?”
When I taught you to put your clothes away did I say, “The folded clothes go back in the dirty hamper and the dirty underwear go everywhere?”
When I showed you how to put the dishes away did I hide all the utensils in various drawers around the kitchen and stick some in the dog food bin?
Have I ever said it was okay to not clean up after yourself? Yes, I must have said that, so often in fact that you are completely dedicated to NEVER cleaning up after yourself.
Is there a single puzzle or game in our house that has all its pieces? No, because I taught you to lose them, break them and scatter them like rose petals in the yard.
Who can find their shoes? Nobody…I taught you well.
Who has their coat and mittens? Nobody…I’m a success!
Who put their toothbrush on the counter and spit blobs of toothpaste in the sink? My children…I’m so proud!
Who is hungry the minute I put the last dish back in the refrigerator? Okay… that’s me and I’ve taught you all that too.
How much longer are you all going to live in this house with me? Don’t answer that.