Clay gifted me with a membership to a local gym after I finished gaining 15 pounds. I call it my ‘Auction Weight’ since I gained most of it during my time working on the fundraisers for school. I get a discount because of my job at the school, maybe they know working for the school causes weight gain. Even though Damn Ramsey would probably frown on this expense, it is a much needed stress reliever for me. In the long run if I’m healthier, then I’ll be sick less, which means I’ll need less medical attention, which means the gym membership is saving me money. See? I can talk myself into justifying it. So…nananabooboo to you Damn Ramsey!
I have a sweet friend that calls me to make sure I show up everyday. She’s like a very cute poodle with motivational skills. My kids and Clay have encouraged her to “Keep up the good work! Get Mom to the gym today!” I’m the pet project right now.
I’ve refused to look at the class schedule at the gym and rely on Poodle to tell me when I need to show up. It helps me to be ignorant, that way I don’t dread the pain.
Poodle likes to be in the front row of the class, because she’s tiny and can’t see the instructor if she’s in the back. Reluctantly, I stand in the front with her, blocking the view for all those small gals behind me. It’s Poodle and St. Bernard in the front row. I’m used to being in the back. Tall kids in the back for the photos, tall girls in the back for dance class, tall girls on the bottom row for cheerleading pyramids. Always in the back and I’m okay with that, really. But, Poodle with her big happy smile is making me move to the front. The front where the teacher can keep her eye on me, because it’s hard not to see the giant woman taking up half the floor space in the front row and where the teacher knows I’m new and points it out every few seconds by saying in her little headset microphone, “You’re doing great St. Bernard, keep up the good work!” or “Open those shoulders and bend deeper St. Bernard” and my favorite, “Don’t worry St. Bernard, you’ll get it eventually!” and then after class all the instructors ask me how I liked the class.
I’d love to give them an intelligent answer, but my my tongue in usually lying on the ground and my body is so tired that the best I can do is pant and try not to drool on them.
Then poodle starts prancing around me saying in her little high energy voice, “Are you ready for the next class? Huh, huh? It’ll be so fun! I love to exercise. Don’t you love it?!!! Look at how much I love it! I am so cute! And energectic! Do you need some water? Here’s your weights. Hurry, or we won’t get our spot in the front! C’mon! C’mon! Let’s GO!!! WHEEEEEE!”
That’s when I start to dream of Heaven, where there is no need to dance around with a little purple ball or step up and down on a rubber stool for an hour and no perky poodles allowed! Heaven is for St. Bernards only!