My oldest child, Ellen, is now driving on her own. I’ve learned a few things while teaching her how to drive.
- I promised that I wouldn’t yell at her for her bad driving like my Mom and Dad did.
- I promised I would stay calm and not shriek that she was going to kill us.
- I promised I wouldn’t make her pull over so I could take over after she pulled out in front of two vehicles.
- I promised not to make fun of her inability to know where she is going.
Fast Tube by Casper
I failed at all my promises. I will not be making these promises with my boys, I’m just going to be honest and tell them I will yell, scream, grab the steering wheel and slam on the imaginary break that’s on the passenger side.
Thank God she is a sweet girl and can handle her mother’s neurosis.
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I didn’t realize you had a child that old!
That girl is a saint!
I know…poor thing.
Wow…can she drive with Clay instead? I don’t think your nerves were cut out for teen driving, April!!
He wouldn’t let her drive at first, so I got the early stages and then after she had gone through driver’s ed and got her license he took over.
I handed all driving tutorials over to the kid’s dad. No way am I putting myself through that. I teach them everything else, from how to use the toilet to how to clean it, as well as reading and long division. HE can teach them to drive!
And aren’t YOU the one who should be teaching the walking in heels part?
I’m dreading this day April, and this doesn’t help at all! LOL I worked at the BMV for three years. I’ve seen blood, sweat and many tears on the day kids got their licenses. I ALWAYS made sure I got a good picture of them too! ALWAYS!
Hey! I’m from Idaho! :0)
I’ve got about a year to work up to that. Maybe my husband could take that one on.
Hahahaha. I remember my mom with one hand on the dash (her left) and her other hand on the side of the car door, bracing the car for impact, simultaneously slamming her foot down on her imaginary brake.
I think I would have totally freaked if my mother had recorded our lessons. Good for Ellen for keeping cool.
I got whiplash about 40 times when mine was learning. Thankfully, now she’s a better driver than I am.
Ha ha ha ha! My daughter just got her drivers license and I am so glad. I hated the learning phase. Much panic and frustration. I was SURE she wouldn’t pass…..but she did! Whoot! Whoot!
I sympathize/empathize with you both! I taught drivers education for 7 years . . . it brought me closer to God . . . a few times!
Way to go Ellen for remaining calm!!
Love it! “Stop talking and just drive!” Reminds me of when my mom taught me!
She’s a saint. Do you really want to distract her that much when she’s driving?
She’ll figure out how to finesse the turns etc with practice. You’re a hoot – but a dangerous one! First she’s not going fast enough, then it’s too fast, etc etc. I would have an nervous breakdown if I were listening to you AND trying to paying attention to everything and remember how to drive all at the same time. But I say this cause I love you both, April! Don’t want anything to happen to you. Patience, Mom, patience.
Too Funny!! I am in the EXACT same situation you are and laughed as I heard you speaking the same things I do!!! Hilarious!!
Oh I’m SO with you April! Except I have TWO learning to drive…God help me!
It could have been me in the car with Ellen! I say the very same things…must be in the mommy manual! “SLOW DOWN! You’re taking the turn too fast! Speed up, you’re going too slow! Do you know where you’re going? Do you know where home is?” LOL!
I got them a GPS for Christmas! =)
You are a crazy person! Sometime,when you are older and need her help it’s into the home for you!REALLY! Both my Dad and Brother(the drivers-ed instructor)screamed at me…BUT THEY NEVER FILMED ME!!
I’m peeing myself! it sounds like my mom and & I and I’ve been driving for 20+ yrs now. I tell her to close her eyes.
Okay, I read the first part of this post and reflected on my own style of educating a new driver (working on the third now) and thought, “Uh-oh, major driver’s ed fail.” Then I watched the video and I’m just not sure where to start. I sense a bulleted guest post coming.
*Ellen and Jo should never drive anywhere together. It sounds like they have the same navigational handicap.
*Pray that Ellen never dates a boy as directionally challenged as she is and then asks if he can drive her back to college two hours away and stop to see his dad in Wamego on the way.
*Extra prayers if both daughter and boyfriend have a history of vehicular object slaughter.
*You know what? Maybe just don’t allow the child to date. Or drive.
*That previous item could cause tension in the parent/child relationship though.
*It is never okay for the teenager to take the corners as fast as Mom does.
*I use the passenger side brake constantly when dh is driving too.
*I love Ellen’s reasoning about how someday the world is going to turn topsy turvy and we’re all going to need the help of people who know how to go nowhere.
*I find it absolutely hilarious that you are doing the driver’s ed and Clay is teaching her how to walk in heels. Danny would get both of those jobs.
For a moment I thought you were going to make her cry with all of her frustration with you.
But, I have a feeling I’m going to be worse than that. I think I’ll just make my kids bike everywhere. Or just stay home.
When I was learning to drive my dad was a saint…never yelled, grabbed or hit the brakes…My mom would have been a basket case….When my boys are ready to learn I will have to be the guinea pig….DH is too much of a perfectionist and would be an awful teacher…I hope I have my dads patience…
Yup Ellen is a good driver, man…April!!!
Oh my goodness-I find this amusing and nerve-wracking! It makes me just want to give you both a great big hug-talk about the continental divide between parent & child. Can I just take a pass on this one in 7 or 8 years? I honestly don’t think I can handle it!!! Hang in there, April, I am sure that Ellen will be one of the safest teen drivers on the road here!
my husband “taught” me how to drive. The gasping and intakes of breath and four letter words drove me up the bloody wall. I finally made him put the seat back all the way into recline position and look up at the roof if he was going to be in the car with me driving. And that’s how we are still married.
Slow the freak down!!! April you are hilarious. I have survived teaching my two teenagers how to drive and I sounded just like you. LOL! Potty training and driving are two of the hardest parts of parenting.
I found sitting in the passengers seat like an out of body experience. It is just such an odd feeling to watch your own child sit there behind the wheel of your car.
The first day my daughter had behind the wheel at school I saw here driving in town and I almost got in accident watching her.
that was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen!! i was hard to tell if she was crying or just annoyed with you. LOLOL.
Ellen is an excellent driver. She drives much better when her MMMMMMom is not with her.
Love you Ellen
Grandma
Our oldest goes solo in January. I’m not sure what I’m more scare of, the safety of the other drivers or the serious dent in my wallet after my insurance more than doubles.
AAAAAH! This sounds exactly how I have done this. Yikes, it is involuntary. Poor kids. Makes ‘em stronger though
at ignoring distractions, hopefully!
Great post! Hang in there Ellen, your doing great.
And that, Grandma, is precisely why I had to leave the driving instruction/supervision to our daughters’ father…and why they’re still speaking to me, LOL.
Oh my — Ellen you are doing a great job – MOM YOU ARE NOT! I’m now afraid to drive myself home. haha
If I had recorded me teaching my son to drive? It would have TOTALLY sounded Just Like This. He’s been on the road for a year and a half now. And has already been in one accident (which was NOT his fault). That’s the Worst Phone Call Ever: “Mom, don’t freak out, but I was just in an accident”
I get to start teaching the next one in February. God help me!
I think I sounded a bit like that when I tried to teach my sister to drive (and that was round the farm, not on an actual road!) WE only had the one lesson and then she didn’t want to do it again… I wonder why?
As a bonus – Ellen will be all set for the day when she has to drive with her own children, all talking at her while she is trying to concentrate on the road. Good work Mum – a driving lesson and a life lesson!
I like how you ended on a positive note
! Ellen seems like a good sport!
My daughter is 14 and Grandpa has been taking her out to learn some basics – in his big ol’ truck, on the country roads near his house. She is driving me crazy now – “Mom take me out, let me show you how good I can drive.” No way! I’ll let Grandpa deal with it for now. My Dad taught all three of us kids how to drive and he was very good at it. He also taught my brother’s girlfriend (now my sister in law) – after she had failed to learn through many driver’s ed courses. She was the only one who drove him near to drink! He was very patient with us – surprising since he wasn’t patient about a lot of little things. So, grandpa now has the next generation. He is just prepping my daughter to drive him around when he can’t drive anymore!
Hugs for Ellen! She did a good job of driving safely under stress. I’m recognizing what’s going by in the background and thinking I’d better be careful driving out there. Was going to suggest a magnetic sign for the side of the car that says Ellen. But now I think maybe a “Mom on board” sign might be a more useful warning.
Oh Gawd, this brought back memories of driving with my boys when they were teens. You remind me of ME back then..why my boys ever got behind the wheel with me in the passenger seat a SECOND time, I’ll never know.
Ellen IS a saint!
It doesn’t ever get any easier. I taught 3 kids to drive. I still clench the passenger door when I ride with them. (They are all in their 20’s.)
I’ve got 18 and 17 year old sons and I still haven’t recovered from teaching them to drive. It is the single most nerve racking thing I have ever done. And I’m still nervous every time they go out on the road!
Oh great. So there is no hope to avoid me being like my mom (with regard to learning to drive) when the time comes?
April, there is a reason why on buses they write ‘do not talk to the driver’. It is dangerous. You are supposed to just direct her actions with brief sentences, not to distract her, have conversations or shoot movies. Please stop ‘teaching’ her how to drive, leave it to someone else!
Ellen, you definitely passed the driving under stress part of the driver’s test. This so reminds me of practice driving with my mother. Once we were practice driving at night, on a hill. Mom screams (really she did) “be careful there is a sheer cliff to the right”. I was on the inside lane, the cliff was to the right of the outside lane. Needless to say, I’m still scared to drive and get panic attacks at just the thought of doing so. Be brave Ellen, be very brave.
I would have thrown you out way back at Sonic!!!! Ellen you are a SAINT to put up with you Mother. I only had to put up with her about 5 years. LOL!!! j/k {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Ellen, that you didn’t pull over and make your mother get out just amazes me.
April, my son will be ready for lessons in 4 years. What is your address? He can be there anytime you feel ready.
HA! Love it April!!! Thankfully- I just dropped Tyler off at PCI this summer where he took the highly acclaimed Midwest Driving School program!! He is actually a pretty decent driver all in all- although driving around Hawkville still gives me pause for cause when the kids are back to school!!
Ellen- when you are a parent you’ll understand. If only you had a dollar for everytime you hear that, huh?!! It’s in a Mom’s DNA to be neurotic.
I hate to admit this..but my boys are 21 and 25…and I still sound like this every time I LET them drive with me It is just..unnerving!! The fright, has never quite gone away…for example…
Recently, my 21 year old and I took a trip to see his brother in Pittsburgh. A 45 minute drive from our little town of Wheeling, WV…That little sweetheart kept track of how many times I calmly(aka shrieked) asked him to slow down..The result for both ways? 527 times…
What can I say? I am a mother! God bless you both! I too was the “drivers ed teacher” in the family. I think all of the years of 4-wheelers, go carts, tractors and dirt bikes contributed to their driving skills.
Do what I did. Have a valium/xanax dispenser installed where the ashtray goes. It works wonders!
OMG – this gave me a major flashback to teaching my daughter, now 39 and a new mommy, to drive! I’m surprised we both lived through it, especially after she backed into a building after trying to turn around! But then she came by it naturally – I still remember my driver’s ed teacher hitting his “teacher’s” brakes when I almost ran into a cement mixer!
Oh, yes, just let her drive on over to Idaho! I would love to have you over for dinner!
You have my sympathy and support! I taught my oldest two to drive, and now #3 is 15 and wanting to start Driver’s Ed. My “Mom brake” i.e. my right foot, is already aching at the thought! Oy! He already knows that my #1 Rule of Learning To Drive is That YOU CAN NEVER ANSWER YOUR MOM WITH “I KNOW”. Even if he’s heard the instruction 1400 times, he can NEVER say “I know!” Parental quirks…the cross my kids have to bear!
Oh my, this made me laugh. I was such a freak when I was in the car while my girls drove. I could not handle it, at all. My husband had to do the teaching. Just watching that video made me nervous! My youngest one is 14 and itching to drive. I am so not ready for this again.
I am not looking forward to it….my daughter failed the test to get her permit twice. We are making her wait a while until she can take the next test. Your video made me laugh, though!