There’s this lady I know that was annoying her husband while he was trying to read a book and he’d finally had enough so he did some sort of wicked body slam that left her arm jammed up into her shoulder socket.  So, the lady, she went to the bathroom to get ready for bed with her sore shoulder and she did a little stretchy thing with her head and wrenched her neck.  So now, this lady is walking around with one shoulder lower than the other and she can’t move her head from side to side.  Guess she learned her lesson not to annoy her husband.

But, I have to feel sorry just a little bit for this lady because she has Poison Ivy or Poison Oak or whatever the heck kind of Poison Crap that causes big welts and puss to ooze out of the skin, she has that on both her arms and it’s not very pretty and really itchy.

Oh, and that lady also hurt her knee doing something.  She’s thinking it’s related to a treadmill that she’s been having a short-term relationship with, but she’s not positive.  So, occasionally, the lady, she limps a bit, cause the knee, it hurts.

And one more thing about that lady, her coffee maker died.  You should see her make coffee in the morning.  She heats up water, then sort of  strains and stirs it through an old metal filter thing. She can’t get more than one cup this way or it would take her all day and in her current state of crooked, oozing armness, she can’t handle holding her arm up for more than a few seconds to stir the grounds in the old metal filter thing.

Why doesn’t she just buy a new coffee maker you say?  I know, I asked the same question.

Apparently, coffee makers have gone up in price quite a bit in the past decade and the lady was so sticker shocked by the prices that she decided she would just make do and try to repair her old percolator, which she has a strong emotional attachment , especially since it garners comments like, “Wow, how old is that thing?”  and, ” My grandma had one of these!”

That lady had the nerve to go to that huge shopping store today to get groceries.  She brought all of her children with her because she can’t bend over or lift much with the whole Leaning Tower of Pisa thing going on in her upper body.  Her children made fun of her by imitating the way she had to shift her entire body to look from side to side in the GALL DARN isles, sort of like Sponge Bob acting like Frankenstein.  One of her children kept swaying his neck around like a bobble-headed disco-freak saying, “Look Mom!  Look over her!”  When he knew perfectly well there was no way in HELL she could  look at him.

I don’t know whether to laugh at this poor lady or put her out of her misery.  She’s causing so much cheap entertainment for her family and yet she can barely function.

When her daughter hopped behind the wheel to drive her home from the store she found herself so thankful that she forgot to be irritated at the child for still not knowing how to get home from a store that they visit twenty-million times a week.

I think tomorrow she might seek the kind of professional help in which a person lies face down on a table that’s shaped not unlike a coffin and is then put through twenty different maneuvers that make the bones sound like microwave popping corn, except with no buttery flavors wafting through the air.