Hello my friends. Can I call you my friends? Believe me after this post I will be your best friend because you will feel so much better about yourself. And that’s my job here on Earth, to make everyone feel much better about their life because after they get a load of me, life seems better.
My so called, used to be, crazy exercising “friend” Mrs Mama came over a few days ago and took some photos. I came out the door to greet her and pointed to my face, “Look. I have poison ivy on my face AGAIN!!” And the next thing I know she has her camera in my face taking photos. Look at my ratty hair! My splotchy skin! My dorky glasses! Ugh. You know what? I have my hair fixed like that right now. I think it’s time for a haircut, but not until my oozing sores heal, because wow, that could end the career of the best hair stylist.
I let Mrs Mama take any photos she wants, because one time I was at her house trying to be a nice friend, chatting, drinking coffee and having a grand visit. To be helpful to my hostess I got up to get a refill on my HUGE mug of coffee and as I was walking back to my comfy chair in her living room I threw my entire mug of coffee across the room. I would say that I tripped, but it wasn’t really like that. I have no idea what I was doing but it was awful. The coffee went all over her accent table, candles, business cards, chair, and carpet. It was ridiculous. Since she didn’t see me do it because she was in the kitchen at the time, trying to explain that I just threw my coffee and my mug across her entire living room was not the easiest thing to do and still maintain that it was not on purpose.
She’s allowed me to come over since that incident….but I haven’t had any coffee and she tries to confine me to the non-carpeted areas of the house.
Have I told you she dropped her puppy off at my house to babysit for a few days while she’s out of town? I don’t want to tell her how much I love that silly little dog, because she thinks he’s going to tear apart my house, kill chickens and pee everywhere. But, he’s been the perfect little guest. Maybe I’ll tell her he stepped on my foot just as I was getting in the car for a meeting and smeared what I think was pig poop on my toe. That might make her feel a little better.
She also took this photo when she was here. That’s Walkin’ Charlie our big Barred Rock Rooster. He attacked Mrs Mama when she graciously agreed to feed our animals for a couple days last month. He’s a pain and the reason I have sticks and bats and metal poles and brooms and rakes and toy light sabers and anything with a long handle scattered all over the property. The kids have to arm themselves against a potential rooster attack…..and so do I.
Look a little closer in that photo. This was taken right next to the steps that people come up to enter my house. Do you see the clumps of blond hair? There are also big wads of red hair out there. I buzzed all of my boys’ heads on the porch and then asked the boys to clean up afterwards. They swept everything off the porch and it landed right there, for everyone to see. There is also a pencil and a few legos in that “flower bed”….my imaginary flower bed. It’s really just a spot for hair, legos, trash and for Walkin’ Charlie to wait for his next victim there are no flowers. But, there will be someday and maybe sooner than later…..I think I’ve got a surprise brewing for you, but I promise it’s not that I’m coming over to rub my Poison Ivy welts on you or throw coffee around the living room. I save all of that for my so called good friend Mrs Mama.
Need a Chicken Doctor?
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Hey, I have a few friends like that too…..I’ve ruined at least one couch and a brand new living room carpet with my coffee at my sisters. Just spilled a hot cup of coffee all over myself and my dry clean only pant suit on my way to the airport the other day. Wet, sticky underpants on a 5 hour flight really, truly are not comfortable
You can pop in and spill coffee at my place any day!
Ouch! How’d you get poison ivy on your face? Well, at least you are in good spirits!
April- Do I dare ask how that poison ivy got on your face?…no really… I don’t want to know…please April don’t tell me.
Ooh … peonies??
When I lived in Michigan I used to get poison ivy EVERYWHERE! I mean, pull out the big loose moomoo and loose the bra and panties, everywhere. Miserable stuff. We don’t have poison ivy in my part of Montana, don’t think I’ll ever move away.
My daughter threw up pizza and chocolate cake all over my friends brand new, expensive, cream colored bathroom rugs. She replaced them with cheap darker colored rugs…
My boys used to buzz each other’s hair on our old front porch and their version of cleanup was the same. They tried to convince me that it would make great nesting material for birds. The birds never came and got it and hair does not just rot away. It stays in your flower/weed bed forever.
Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I transplanted bindweed from my mother in law’s garden to mine? “Jenni!” she says, “Come get some of this morning glory that *volunteered* itself in my garden.” Yeah, my MIL sucks at plant identification and I am a huge sucker. The hair from the boys’ haircuts complemented that bindweed rather nicely.
You still look cute, although I hope the poison ivy leaves sooner than later. As for your hair, it looks better than mine; I colored it myself – needless to say, I’m stuck in the house for a MONTH!!
Poison ivy, on your face. Are you sure Clay didn’t bring it in on his facial hair?
Just kidding. I hope you feel better soon.
Sound like you and Mrs. Mama are friends forever since she still likes you after the coffee incident.
I got it 3 times last summer. Dh drags it in from the edges of the fields on his clothes. I just have to think about it to come down with it. First time I had an infection underneath it (left side along the jaw) and had antibiotics plus I had to take 2 reactine/day plus antibiotic ointment. Finally got annoyed enough and dragged out the rubbing alcohol. Yanno, it stings but it dries it up… otherwise it runs down your neck… RUDE!!!! GROSS!!! Then next 2 times I attacked it the moment it started with the alcohol.
My Dr thought I was crazy and I had to do some serious moisturizing when it was gone but it was worth it.
This year I work in the garden, come in scrub hands and face and pop a reactine every day. So far… so good….
I’m terribly allergic to the stuff. We have lovely black raspberries wild on the farm and I simply planted hybrid reds in my garden… it’s that bad.
S.
Ahhh…that seems to be the only thing growing ’round these here parts lately. Dang’d heat won’t kill it, just my geraniums, roses, and the like. My tomatoes won’t ripen up either dadgummit. Gotta love Kansas.
April- even with poison ivy you look positively radiant (could be the rash that’s givin’ you the rosy look-I will admit).
BTW- did you make it home with Mom’s camera in your suitcase?
I’m wondering if I need to get a haircut now, too, since I’ve had my hair up like yours for months now.
And poison ivy? Dude – I hate that stuff. Even the summer I was pregnant and bed bound and did not go outside at all I still got it all over me from petting the dog after she had gotten in to some of it. Not fair!!!
Man, your teeth are so perfectly straight! (It’s something I notice as I pay for braces for yet another kid.)
A bit of poison ivy advice…
http://www.burtsbees.com/natural-products/sun-outdoor-treatment/poison-ivy-soap.html
I love you April! Thank you for your humor. And you ARE my friend without a doubt. Looking forward to this surprise!
Wouldn’t it be much better if you just let Charlie the Rooster attack the boys and rip their hair off? That way he could get rid of his pent-up aggression and you wouldn’t have to buzz the boys?
I also have son and hubby’s buzzcuts along the back sidewalk. Maybe they need to have an HGTV show about incorporating KS male haircuts into the landscaping.
I agree with Gen. I use coal tar soap though. I just got poison ivy last saturday and the coal tar soap has kept it from spreading.
During my last bout of poison ivy, I was in such agony in the middle of the night that I scrubbed my arms with Comet cleanser. Yes, Comet. And you know what? It stopped itching and was MUCH improved by morning!
You have the most beautiful teeth! So white and straight! Even through the dreadful poison ivy, your smile looks radiant.
Sooooo, giving the dog a haircut on the back deck, and letting the wind blow the hair onto the ground isn’t a good plan? Crap. I used to give my boys their haircuts also. They grew up, and get grown up cuts now. Miss those days. Just have to get my fix buzz cutting the dog now. You will remember all this fondly, and miss it terribly. Okay, maybe not the poison ivy part.
You poor thing! To make you feel better here’s a little story…
My senior year in highschool the chicken pox were going around. My mom swore I had them when I was little (got them from a kid at Vacation Bible School). So I wasn’t worried. My husband’s (then boyfriend) mom babysat the cutest little kids. One day after school I came for a visit and was talking to and one little cutie and touched him on the head (for like 2 seconds). He came down with chicken pox and guess what…uh huh…so did I like 10 days after he did. Drat! So it’s the last week of high school — ever!!! — and I am at home covered in calamine lotion, popping benadryl, missing the senior trip and miserable. I made it in on the very last possible day to take my end of the year exams. Some teachers didn’t make me take them…out of sheer pity, I’m sure. So I have pictures from graduation freezing my pitiful scab covered face (had braces at the time, too….nice!) reminding me of the whole ordeal. Ah well…makes a good story, right?!
Does that make you feel any better? Even a teensy bit?!
Hugs to you!!
I hear that hair (human and pet) is good for composting, so your boys did you a great favor! You’ll probably have the nicest flower bed ever.
Is it a trait of those types of roosters to be nasty? So not liking our’s who we have nicked named Football. He goes after anything that moves. My old rooster, who was an Americanas (sorry for spelling) was so sweet. You could carry him everywhere too without a problem. Nice hair by the way.
Oh!!! I have my very first case of poison ivy and it sucks so bad! I’ve always been quite proud to say that I wasn’t allergic-I’m lucky. Not any more! You would think that poison ivy has been around long enough that there would be some general consensus on how to treat it and does itching it make it spread? Everyone has a different opinion. It is quite frustrating.