Hello my friends. Can I call you my friends? Believe me after this post I will be your best friend because you will feel so much better about yourself. And that’s my job here on Earth, to make everyone feel much better about their life because after they get a load of me, life seems better.
My so called, used to be, crazy exercising “friend” Mrs Mama came over a few days ago and took some photos. I came out the door to greet her and pointed to my face, “Look. I have poison ivy on my face AGAIN!!” And the next thing I know she has her camera in my face taking photos. Look at my ratty hair! My splotchy skin! My dorky glasses! Ugh. You know what? I have my hair fixed like that right now. I think it’s time for a haircut, but not until my oozing sores heal, because wow, that could end the career of the best hair stylist.
I let Mrs Mama take any photos she wants, because one time I was at her house trying to be a nice friend, chatting, drinking coffee and having a grand visit. To be helpful to my hostess I got up to get a refill on my HUGE mug of coffee and as I was walking back to my comfy chair in her living room I threw my entire mug of coffee across the room. I would say that I tripped, but it wasn’t really like that. I have no idea what I was doing but it was awful. The coffee went all over her accent table, candles, business cards, chair, and carpet. It was ridiculous. Since she didn’t see me do it because she was in the kitchen at the time, trying to explain that I just threw my coffee and my mug across her entire living room was not the easiest thing to do and still maintain that it was not on purpose.
She’s allowed me to come over since that incident….but I haven’t had any coffee and she tries to confine me to the non-carpeted areas of the house.
Have I told you she dropped her puppy off at my house to babysit for a few days while she’s out of town? I don’t want to tell her how much I love that silly little dog, because she thinks he’s going to tear apart my house, kill chickens and pee everywhere. But, he’s been the perfect little guest. Maybe I’ll tell her he stepped on my foot just as I was getting in the car for a meeting and smeared what I think was pig poop on my toe. That might make her feel a little better.
She also took this photo when she was here. That’s Walkin’ Charlie our big Barred Rock Rooster. He attacked Mrs Mama when she graciously agreed to feed our animals for a couple days last month. He’s a pain and the reason I have sticks and bats and metal poles and brooms and rakes and toy light sabers and anything with a long handle scattered all over the property. The kids have to arm themselves against a potential rooster attack…..and so do I.
Look a little closer in that photo. This was taken right next to the steps that people come up to enter my house. Do you see the clumps of blond hair? There are also big wads of red hair out there. I buzzed all of my boys’ heads on the porch and then asked the boys to clean up afterwards. They swept everything off the porch and it landed right there, for everyone to see. There is also a pencil and a few legos in that “flower bed”….my imaginary flower bed. It’s really just a spot for hair, legos, trash and for Walkin’ Charlie to wait for his next victim there are no flowers. But, there will be someday and maybe sooner than later…..I think I’ve got a surprise brewing for you, but I promise it’s not that I’m coming over to rub my Poison Ivy welts on you or throw coffee around the living room. I save all of that for my so called good friend Mrs Mama.