When we were little we played ‘Aunt’. Sometimes we were both the moms and hauled our babies around with us in giant purses that we had swiped from our mother. Rechelle always had Tiny Tears, which was a rubber baby-doll that cried real tears when you fed her a bottle of water and squeezed her tummy. I had Winnie the Pooh and Danny. Winnie the Pooh was made for me by my babysitter, Mrs. Reid. I loved him until he was a flat piece of matted fur fabric and then I still loved him. Danny was a big doll with a cloth stuffed body and rubber arms and legs, he had black cropped hair, sometimes Danny became Kimmy.
Kimmy was the little girl that one of us would play while the other one was the mom.
So, let’s review: We played ‘Aunt’; sometimes we were both moms and sometimes one of us was the mom and one of us was Kimmy. We also had Tiny Tears and Winnie the Pooh and Danny/Kimmy the big doll. Got it?
The Aunts were chain smokers. They would smoke on a drinking straw while yelling at Kimmy. They would smoke on an invisible cigarette while talking about which party they should attend. Occasionally, they would enjoy a candy cigarette and then, well, then they talked about how much they loved to smoke and how good that cigarette tasted.
The aunts loved their big vinyl purses. They were huge and lined with dark blue bandanna fabric. When Kimmy was being a pain in the ass, which was nearly always, her mom would start swinging the giant vinyl purse at her and most of the time Tiny Tears was in that giant purse getting whipped around adding to the pummeling Kimmy was getting on her back side. This caused Kimmy to fall down in fits of hysterical laughter. Also, you should know that Tiny Tears, being a newborn baby, could talk and pummel people. She was quite amazing and spent most of her time yelling at Winnie the Pooh.
Sometimes the aunts would have a falling out and not speak to each other for six whole minutes. Usually, their falling outs had to do with someone not getting to play the role of Aunt or Kimmy or more often, Tiny Tears was being too mean. Tiny Tears was a very bitter baby.
One of the sisters would eventually get tired of being pissed off and come up with a way to entice the other sister to resume playing ‘Aunt’. This usually involved great feats of silliness that the mad sister couldn’t resist.
Then like a magical spell had been cast, the sisters were back in their imaginary rolls of Aunt and Kimmy or Aunt and Aunt.
Let’s play ‘Aunt’. I’ll be Kimmy.
No. Let’s both be aunts. Wanna smoke?
The aunts had a very busy social calendar. They were constantly being asked to parties and often those parties required them to perform some sort of dance number and sing a song. The aunts would dig through their mother’s closet and find her highest heels and most luxurious polyester party dresses and adorn themselves with costume jewelry and holler at the kids to get in their big purses, because they were going to Grandma’s house.
The aunts would drop off Tiny Tears, Winnie the Pooh and Danny/Kimmy at Grandma Martha’s house, which most of the time meant they would be stashing them under their Mom’s desk at their father’s business.
Then the aunts would run off to practice their performance for the evening’s big gala.
They always incorporated lots of difficult tricks that only the aunts were able to do and the whole world was amazed by their abilities.
They’d write a few songs and choregraph the steps.
Of course each of them had to have a solo.
After the party had died down and they had sung their last song and danced their last dance and smoked their last cigarette they’d head back to Grandma Martha’s office where they would ask if she had any money so they could run across the street to Taco Grande and buy a sancho for themselves and some cinnamon-sugar tortilla crisps for Tiny Tears, Winnie the Pooh and Danny/Kimmy.
Grandma Martha would hand them some cash while cradling Tiny Tears and say, “Yes and get me a Pepsi and a sancho with extra hot sauce.”
photos by All Astonishment
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You two are so much fun! I really, really wish I had a sister. My younger brothers just weren’t nearly as much fun as I think having a sister would be!
You make me laugh! Thank you!
Wish I would have had a sister. Little brother did not like dolls or dress up…even though I made him wear a choir gown collar complete with huge red bow made out of construction paper for Christmas one year. There are photos or he would deny the entire event.
Love this. I want those shoes…
Love the aunts…and the sisters! There is no better game out there than pretend. Seems like our kids forgot how to play that game after they were about 9 or so. Great stuff, and love the pictures and the clothes. Shoes aren’t bad either!!!!
You look like an Edward Gorey illustration! (And the story is almost mad enough to be one of his books, too.)
Once again, I say Gray Gardens. Grey Gardens. Greigh Gardens. Perhaps it’s time to put on a Kansas-based dinner theatre production of Grey Gardens?
Your mother must have been in hysterics much of the time at your imagination and energy. Lovely pictures. You look so elegant (in some of them).
Sisters are the best! My sister, who is thirteen months OLDER than me, and I used to play “Lady”. We would be playing “house”, but call each other lady instead of some other made up name. Hi Lady! We also smoked pretend cigs and would crush up the pollen pods from the trees and pretend they were ashes. Fun memories!
You two crack me up!!
I still wish my brother was a sister…
Oh my word – this is so much fun. I love it! The photos and the story are priceless. You must publish this is one of those photobooks you can create online. This makes me think of my mom and her sisters, and me and my sisters, and hopeful that my daughter will someday have a sister.
Love the photos! LOL! I’m jealous you had a sister! I was an only child and would always play office (where I chain smoked candy cigarettes while typing on my mom’s antique typewriter) where I called home to check on my kids who were all fighting with each other. Didn’t they know I was working to take care of them and they should shut up and be nice to one another or else??? hee. It’s funny I just caught myself saying that to my real kids just a few minutes ago!
Clearly, insanity runs thick in your family. Wow Wee!
you are completely whacko & i love it!
can i come & be your sister too?
i wish i liked mine that much…
Oh my goodness, you are hilarious. If you ever move come live by me, I would like to have you as a neighbor!
Now I so wish I had a sister!
Lucky I have 3 daughters and I get to watch them and all their antics. Two of them are identical twins and the other is 3yrs older. Just the other day I stood at a outside corner secretly watching my preteen/teen daughters dancing in the yard and playing with dolls. Exactly the way you wer describing. I see how much fun they have and I tear up. Of course I giggle too! Thanks for sharing!
Wow! What imaginations! My friend and I usually played Madonna…you know…when she had all the frizzy hair, lots of lace and make up (not when she had the cone boobs –ouch!). We also toted our babies and candy cigarettes. Aahh…those were the days! LOL!!
I never had a sister, but I sure wish I did! I do have two daughters, and I love watching their relationship.
This was a great way to end my evening.
I hardly ever comment on things I read, but you seriously kill me. Sometimes (more often than not) I laugh out loud over some of the stuff you say. This one is really over the top. I love it and read your musings daily. Thank you for taking the time to write this blog.
My sister and I always would play “You Wanna?” We acted like we were grown up. We had different names, she was Daisy (from the Dukes of Hazzard) and I was Sandy (from Grease). We would do this ALL the time. Reading your post brought back so many memories of “You Wanna!”
What great memories you and your sis share. Love your site. I never know if I’m going to laugh out loud, cringe, spew or cry. I definitely put the coffee cup down first though before I start reading.
Oh my gosh – this should be in a magazine. That was one of the best posts EVER!
I LOVED this post! I laughed, giggled, snorted, and smirked. You made my day. Thank you so much.
Oh my gosh I have had a great big belly laugh this morning. Now I know where the name ‘twisted sister’ comes from. You two are hysterical. Keep having fun!
Please let me know when you two get together to do something like this again…my sister and I would love to tag along. I think we live parallel lives!
There’s no friend like a sister!