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The Living Without Series

This is a series of posts that I wrote back in 2006 on living with less stuff. Check them out: liv011Living #2liv031liv04

Coal Creek Farm on Facebook

The Chicken Doctor

April

The Architect

Clay

What the heck is a blouse?

I have a very good friend that is a decade younger than me. She’s a lot like a little sister because on occasion she will email me a picture of her in an outfit and ask, “Does this look good together?” And I love her so much and trust that she will still love me after I say,”NO! Don”t ever wear that, ever.”

Today she emailed me a photo of her in an outfit that I told her she couldn’t wear right now, because it’s not right for the season. Then I told her to look for a blouse and a jacket. Her reply was, “What the heck is a blouse?”

And that is when I had to pause and wonder if our age gap makes me an old person that doesn’t know anything about fashion. Because I still believe that you can’t wear white or open toed shoes until after Memorial Day. I also try to stick with light on the top and dark on the bottom.

After all I didn’t take Mrs. Short’s clothing class in high school for nothing. I learned a lot of valuable information in that class. However, it was 1988 and there is a slight possibility that some of those critical fashion faux pas are now, in fact, fashionable.

But, for my friend’s sake and for my daughter, whom has no fashion sense AT ALL, I thought I would write a list of fashion rules that I try not to break and therefore everyone should probably do the exact opposite.

1. Never wear boots past March, except cowboy boots.

2. Never wear white shoes or carry a white purse until after Memorial Day. Um, I might be carrying a white purse with big colorful flowers on it right now.

3. Never wear jeans to church on Sunday. Clay, Seth and Isaac wore jeans to church yesterday. sigh

4. Never wear a dark bra under a light shirt. Do we need to talk about April’s bra debacle of the past few months? I found myself wearing a sports bra under a sweater a couple of days ago giving me a nice flat uni-boob look.

5. Never wear a sports bra under a sweater.

6. You can wear jeans that are from the 70’s but not the 80’s or 90’s.

7. Just say no to acid wash.

8. Never give away any jewelry because it will come back in fashion.

9. If you don’t wear something for a year get rid of it.

10. Hunt down all the stuff you got rid of because it is now in fashion.

11. Keep everything.

12. If it’s old call it vintage.

13. If it’s new call it chic.

14. If it’s torn call it shabby.

15. If it’s stained call it grunge.

16. Only old people call shirts blouses.

17. Underwear for boys.

18. Panties for girls.

19. Boxers for guys.

20 Thongs for flossing.

21. Bras should be optional and made with chicken feathers and bailing twine.

22. Having one pair of decent jeans will force you to wear skirts or old sweat pants everyday.

23. Challenging yourself not to buy new clothes for nearly a year will cause you to gain weight.

24. Gaining too much fat in your bodacious areas will decrease the amount of pants that fit over your soft jiggly parts.

25. Excuse me while I curl into a fetal position and cry for a few days…….never mind I’m too chubby to curl into a ball…….I’ll just recline on the couch in my tight jeans and whimper for a bit…….never mind….I can’t bend over…..or breath…..

26. Sweat pants are God’s gift to a chubby housewife. Wear them everyday.

27. Wear whatever the heck you want.

28. I hate clothes.

29. I’m never getting dressed again.

30. Never ask me a fashion question.

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