About a week ago I received this very distressful email from my friend Tim the Real Chicken Farmer about some of his girls that had run off and gotten themselves in, um,….trouble.
Dear Chicken Doctor,
I’ve got about 10 young laying hens I need to be rid of. They just won’t stay out of the neighbor’s yard and he’s not happy and I gave him permission to just shoot them if they ticked him off that much and I just heard a gunshot from his yard…so you get the picture….
Please HELP!
This is the part of my job I love the most, getting to don my wings and fly to the rescue of troubled chickens everywhere.
My first job was to comfort and counsel the father of the troubled chickens. I have a minor in chicken psychology.
Chicken Dr.- Tim have you tried talking to the girls? It’s so important to have open communication with your chickens.
Tim- BAH! Chickens now days!
Chicken Dr.- If they feel like you are pushing them away, then they are going to wander out of your yard!
Tim- I can’t take it anymore! They’re no good to me anymore! They have to go!
Chicken Dr.- I can hear that you are in pain, but what I think you’re trying to say is that you love them so much that you have to let them go.
Tim and I decided it would be best if the girls came to live with me, because I am a foster chicken parent.
This is possibly the most helpful my youngest child has ever been, ever. After a few steps he said, “Mom, Mom, Mom, dis chicken is too heavy! Mom! Mom! TOOOO HEAVY!” and that was the end to his usefulness.
But, this kid. He is a chicken whisperer. He has big plans to rehabilitate these wayward chickens.
We wrote down a visitation schedule for Tim, because I am also the counties chicken social worker, but I have a feeling it will be too painful for him to visit his girls.
We put the girls in our outside run when we got home and I have never seen chickens work so hard. They are more like rotatillers than chickens and they laid the biggest eggs I’ve ever seen.
This concludes another successul job done by….The Chicken Doctor.
Need a Chicken Doctor?
Contact 
Thanks for the giggle… I’m glad that your chickens have come home to roost… I would enjoy the fresh eggs… but am not sure that chickens would be happy with my Pugs… so alas… I will leave chickens to the experts…
Big FRESH chicken eggs. Yummy!
We had three chickens when I was little and I sure had fun with them.
You may have to send pictures to Tim of his girls. LOL,that might be best.
Don’t you just love chickens?
I love it when you wrote “this is the most helpful my youngest has ever been” Hilarious!
Another good deed done by the Chicken Dr. Amazing. I don’t think anyone else could ever accomplish what you have today.
Um, maybe they kept wandering away because Tim kept carrying them upside down?
You may now be called Saint April, patron saint of chickens. And I’m so glad that there was no, umm, you know, sploinking involved. I can now relax my hiney muscles.
Good job rescuing the chickens from that crazy man! Although it looks like your son is going to be just like him!!
I think we need some chickens…we had a bunch before, but we also had a bunch of kids around to deal with them.
It’s supposed to rain here this weekend — I don’t know about Kansas — and if it does you can go inside and watch Cranford. You will love it.
You know I know what I’m talking about!
Dear Chicken Doctor,
We’re a couple of pigs that have been getting the evil eye lately from many folks. Could you rescue us too before everyone names a flu after us or something…
sincerely,
The Pigs.
Doesn’t Pioneer Woman need some chickens??
Funny. Good job chicken doctor!!
Enjoy those eggs.
-FringeGirl
Ceasar speaks to dogs…you speak to chickens.
Nice wings…Chicken Doc!
Phew – the world can breathe easy again now that Superhero Chicken Doc is here!
Your sure have the counselor lingo down! Did you study psychology or does it just come natural!?
Do you know the chicken dance?
Would this please or disturb the chickens?
It’s a big hit with humans in Wisconsin.
I just found you through PW and I LOVE your blog. Never before have I wanted to own a chicken.
You move to the country and you grow wings. Where were they when you lived in St. Louis? You still are one of the craziest people I know. Sure miss you crazy chicken woman “angel”.
Hi Joanie! Miss YOU bunches!!
You made me laugh this morning and trust me when I say I needed it! Well done thy good and faithful chicken dr.
I thought at first that the wayward hens were headed for your stew pot. Glad to see they now have a new happy home and you and your family will be enjoying their wonderful eggs. Ya just can’t beat fresh eggs and I know you’re gonna thank your chicken farmer friend for getting you started on chickens. You’ll never want to go back to store-bought! Mmmm, quiches, custards, souffles, omelettes, deviled eggs, angel food cake . . . mmmmm.
I hopped over here from PW’s link.
I’m really enjoying browsing through here.
& Tim looks exactly like my husband’s uncle. We’re both seriously creeped out.
See? http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I15ccpt4pYU/SfSC6fVX_OI/AAAAAAAAAM8/luFyw1XO0O8/s1600-h/DSC_0172.JPG
Hi Chicken Doc – You made me laugh out loud this morning and our dog sat up and looked at me wondering what was going on! You are the Chicken Doctor and I’m the chicken sitter. We chicken sit our neighbors brood while they are gone. I love it. Now if I could just Tully (jack russell puppy) to love them as I do and not want to eat them. He’s coming along.
http://theegggather.wordpress.com/
Corrugated chicken hours?
What will they think of next?
Plastic mats for laying pads, though, is brillant.
Love your chicken stories.
I am going to share your blog with a ex extension agent who stopped being an extension agent because people kept asking her bug questions and chicken questions. LOL
Signed,
A daily reader,
Lori from Utah who loves eggs but no chickens
You ARE an angel! I know the new girls will feel right at home and stop their wandering ways!
Did anyone ever tell you that you look just like the Victoria’s Secret models with those wings?
Meanwhile, I think that you should go on Dr. Phil. For the chickens. There are so many out there who could be reached through that type of media. Think outside the blog, April.
Yes, I get that allllllll the time. Wait til I start marketing my chicken feather, bailing twine bra!
Your blog is great fun. I’ve been wandering around a bit.
I’m sure your readership will go through the roof, since Ree put your blog in her sidebar.
You are a darn good chicken friend to take in Tim’s wanderers. I babysat a friends hens last summer and they never integrated into my flock. Glad yours are working out well.
This is so funny! Reminds me of when I was a kid. We had chickens that had feathers that curled out at the bottom of their legs. They looked like they were wearing bell-bottom pants!
My mom was the baby lamb doctor/social worker when I was a kid. She adopted all of them!
Glad you are having so much fun with the chickens!
Yeah, those Victoria’s Secret models might be good with tiny little bras, but can they rehab a chicken? I should say not. What a successful episode! Even with zero chicken knowledge – other than, you know, cooking them – I can’t wait for the next case.
Ha! Ha!! You’re youngest sounds like my oldest! ‘It’s too heavy!’ I laughed out loud! It’s so cute!
You are so funny. Just found your blog through Pioneer Woman. I’m in KS too. Nice to run into you. Cheers!
Great Story. Lovely ladies and the eggs will be wonderful! The name of our 4-H group is “The Chicken Whisperers.” My daughter is the original Chicken Whisperer after raising 32 baby chicks that arrived on our door step two years ago and they were very, very sick! I am known as Chicken Momma around these parts….we currently have an orphan chick living in our computer room..in a little brooder of course.
Still laughing and chuckling; I may need to read this again.
Love the photo of you with wings. Add a halo and it would be a great hook for your Ch.PhD.
When I was growing up, we used to call it chicken pickin’ time when it was time for the girls to go to market…
I guess from picking off the feathers.
Great post. Love the photo dialogue…hahaha.