We have warmth! After I finished posting my complaint about the heater-fixer guys not showing up the phone rang and they were on their way. Obviously, they read my blog. Because, yes, I am the world’s most famous blogger and HVAC people especially love me. Also, they left me a present in the basement. It’s a pile of fuel soaked rags. Merry Christmas to ME! I’m scared to touch them.

Our main source of heat comes from fuel oil, which is very rare in this part of the country. It seems our fuel tank froze and so their won’t be any fuel coming through the line until it thaws. Good thing we have a heat pump for back up, so the guys rewired our heat pump and it’s heating the house just fine. Hooray!

Yesterday, I spent the morning yelling at my children to help me clean up the house. I swear they think I’m speaking a foreign language. Here’s a perfect example…

Me- Seth, I want you to go down and put the clothes that are in the washer into the dryer.

Seth- Where?

My daughter is so preoccupied by her social agenda that it’s hard to get her to focus on anything inside our home for more that a few seconds. And of course the two little boys are so excited for Christmas that they can’t think straight.

By the time Clay came home in the afternoon I was ready to bash some skulls. Thankfully, we had plans to get out of the house and have some fun as a family. Although, I did have a moment where I stood in my room having a mommy melt down and wanted Clay to take all the kids so I could have the opportunity to carry on a perfectly coherent conversation with myself. I mean, if I told myself to wash the dishes that were in the sink by hand, I think I would understand that that DOES NOT mean shove them all on top of each other in the dishwasher. Wouldn’t I? Yes, I would because I tested it today. You know what? Those dished got washed …..with MY HANDS! I understood every word I said. I’m a very good listener and I think I explain things quite well and I’m very easy to get along with as long as PEOPLE DO EXACTLY AS I SAY!! I got along with myself splendidly today. I am my new best friend.

Anywaaaaaay.

Our biggest gift to the kids this year was a trip to Crown Center in Kansas City to go ice skating. We also took them to Kaleidescope and then to The Cheese Cake Factory for some yummy dessert. It was a very fun day. Oh, and Levi had so much fun he peed his pants. So, I ran into the Gap and bought him a new pair on sale for $16, not bad. I might pee my pants next time so I can get some new clothes. That kid’s no dummy.

The kids want to make the ice skating/Cheese Factory an annual tradition and I hope we can. The lights were beautiful and the weather was grand. We didn’t tell them we were doing anything until the day before, so they were surprised.

We bought all the kids three small gifts each and some stocking stuffers. I think it’s just the right amount.

This year I’ve tried to make gifts that people can use or will appreciate. I’ve enjoyed not rushing from store to store to find the right ‘thing’ for everyone. Next year I need to get an earlier start because these last couple weeks have been nutty and that’s the reason my house was such a disaster…..and it’s not easy getting people to help me when I don’t speak their language. Yes, I will now be calling my children, the four foreigners in my house.

From Coal Creek Farm, I wish you a very Merry Christmas. The Four Foreigners are waving their hands and making a lot of noise, whatever that means…… dumb foreigners.

Okay, heater guy, what’s up? Where the heck are you? It’s almost 5pm and so far he’s a no show. Looks like we’ll be going another night without heat. Fun, good times.

It’s 49 degrees in our house, but we’re staying warm. My two youngest children are far more durable than my older two. I have the double ovens turned on with the doors open to keep the kitchen warm and several times I’ve found Ellen draped INSIDE the oven. I’m serious. Seth, my oldest son, was walking around with a t-shirt, sweat pants and BARE FOOTED! Then he would come in the kitchen whining and shivering. I really wanted to smack him upside the head forty-nine times and then pinch him. My two oldest children have no brains what-so-ever!!!

Right now, I’m hiding in my two little boys’ room. I brought the space heater with me, set my coffee down and within two minutes my coffee was cold and my fingers were numb, so I moved the space heater right next to me and the warm air is blowing over my hands making typing on the computer much easier. Hey! A woman needs to blog!

Today we made some ornaments out of clay….uh no not my Clay, the wet earthy stuff and we also tye died several things. Maybe, I’ll show you pictures but it’s not likely because I’m lazy, sluggish, slothish and just down right not wanting to put much effort into anything right now.

Also, I have to finish sewing a few things before Christmas and that means sitting at the dining room table with my sewing machine and it’s just too cold in there right now. I have to say I would not make a very good pioneer. No, I wouldn’t.

A couple funny things.

I got a card from one of Clay’s aunts and it read, “Please send me pictures of the children. I did not much care for the silly pictures you sent with your card last year.” Do you know this makes me want to send her an entire photo album full of bad photos? But I won’t.

Do any of you cry when you hear this song? I remember the first time I heard it a couple years ago, I bawled like a baby. It came on the radio a couple days ago while I was driving home alone and I was thinking how stupid and cheesy I was to have cried over that silly song. You know what? By the last chorus, I was blubbering so hard I could barely see through my sea of tears. Dang it. I can’t help it, I am a cheese ball and a real sucker for sappy songs.

Okay, now I really have to go muster up the courage to duck down in my frigid basement to change a load of laundry. When I say duck, I’m not kidding. I hit my head on the duct work down there last week so hard I thought I’d broke my neck. How many more times is it going to take for me to learn how shallow the basement is? I’m thinking a few more.

Today when we were driving home from church the temperature on the bank sign read 5 degrees.
I remarked how icky cold it was and we drove on home in our toasty warm van.

And then…..

When we got home I gracefully skidded, shimmied, slid, skated, tip toed and arabesques across our icy concrete patio toward our back door and I could hear the high screech of the fire alarms.

Holy ear drum ripping Batman! What’s going on in the farmhouse?!

No, the house wasn’t on fire.

I don’t know what the heckle happened, but the fire alarms were blaring and the house was cold because our furnace wasn’t running or hopping or skipping or dancing. It also appears that our electricity had gone off at some point.

So, Clay tried to fix the furnace blah, blah, blah, cold house, blah, blah blah, had to call the heating fixer guy, blah, blah, blah, can’t fix it.

What? Can’t fix it?!

April does not like to be cold. April is already in hibernating mode, being cold is only going to cause her to dig deeper into the pile of covers on her bed and not reappear until… April. April has all of the sudden started writing this post in third person. April is a big goon.

Okay, moving on with this chilling story.

Thank God and Jesus oh, why not, let’s thank Mary and Holy St. Joseph while were at it that we do have electricity. I propped open our ovens and cranked up the heat and stood in front of the open oven doors. Then I made coffee and went up to my room where I turned on the portable heater and snuggled under my blankets with my four year old, who by the way, is the toastiest little marshmallow ever.

Then the phone rang.

It was Virginia, my octogenarian neighbor, calling to see if we were doing okay. Yes, I assured her we were fine and I told her our heat was out, but we had a space heater and were staying warm enough.

Shouldn’t I have been calling to check on her? Isn’t that what the news people always say to do when it’s too cold or too hot? Call and check on your elderly neighbors. Those news people don’t know Virginia. Virginia would make those news people look like nimrods. Virginia makes me look like a nimrod. I am a nimrod.

Virginia told me they had their wood furnace cranked up and had been using a little space heater in their bathroom, but when she got the electric bill it was seventy whole dollars and she decided she shouldn’t use the space heater as much.

Seventy whole dollars!

Just when I think I’m being frugal and so very careful with our resources, ,my elderly neighbor proves to me otherwise. Did I tell you that Virginia was hanging out her laundry the other day when is was freezing cold? FREEZING COLD! She told me she was freeze drying. FREEZE DRYING!! That woman makes me feel like a slug.

And that’s my story for today. I sure wish we had one of them there corn stoves or better yet Clay did mention the stove that you can shove an entire elephant into and heat your house for a whole year.

A WHOLE YEAR!!