are my children. Or do they make me look jaundiced? Or does it look like I’ve taken a bath in tanning cream? I wish you could see my kids at the swimming pool during the summer, they emit a glow. They have no idea what a really bad sunburn feels like, the sheets of skin peeling off, the blisters on top of blisters and then the freckles in places you never thought a freckle was possible. We only buy the baby block 50 spf and we all wear it, but somehow I still get a little tan, or should I say orange-yellow?

Oh, wait a second. Look what I found! Pictures of my glowing children. These are a couple years old, but nothing has changed as far as their skin tone is concerned.

White
WhiterDear God! Someone turn off the lights!

And I’m not really in it. I told myself I wasn’t going to post very many of these family shots, because I do keep some of my life private. Har har hahhahah! Ahem.

Yesterday, the sweet lady that took these photos watched my two youngest boys while I went to a volleyball tournament. My baby, Levi, who has been potty trained for over a year and I don’t know the last time we had an ‘accident’ decided to crap his pants while she was watching him. I wouldn’t have know about it if I hadn’t seen the fancy ninja turtle underwear Levi was sporting, which we don’t own. That and his older brother said, “Levi pooped his pants”. I had to call and apologize to her.

This morning I took Ellen and my two littles to the second day of the eternally-long volleyball tournament. We were sitting in the bleachers nestled close to other parents and I kept getting whiffs of the stink that I personally know comes out of only one little butt hole. I know that stink all too well to deny that it isn’t coming from my son. Given the previous day’s ‘accident’ I kept asking, “Levi! Do you need to go to the bathroom? Do you? Do you need to go poop?” What I really wanted to do was get on the PA system and say, “It’s not me! I swear! It’s my son! He really stinks! Whooooo-weee, does he stink!”

Anyway, he didn’t need to go poop, he just smelled like it. Good Lord help me.

If you’ve had any experience with a little stinker or, like me, a ginormous stinky monkey butt, then go over and give my girlfriend some love. Cause it’s one thing when it’s your own flesh and blood, but it’s just awful when it’s not your own stinky kid.