Hi Daisy. Yes you’re very cute. But remember what happened last week? Let’s tell the people, okay?
My sister, Rechelle, keeps referring to my humble abode as ‘April’s Pig Farm’. It would hurt my feelings immensely if I didn’t actually have pigs.
Also, this is how last Sunday went.
Sunday mornings are always a little crazy around here. Making sure that everyone has on decent clothes is our biggest challenge. If we’re lucky we cram some sort of breakfast down our gobs usually while standing around the counter and then we clamber over each other to the van to get to church on time.
Last week, I got dressed, fixed my hair, put on make-up, got the boys clothes out, fixed their hair and then decided my shirt needed ironing….so I ironed it. Oh, no, MOM! MOM! Are you okay? Goodness, my mother just fainted after reading that I ironed something….MOM! There she goes again. Sorry Mom, I won’t mention it again.
Anyhooo, after I was dressed I went out to feed the animals because the rest of my family was still in a tither getting ready or feeding their faces.
First, I watered the pigs. It was so bloody hot here that I let the water run over their water trough while they stood beside it and drink in the cold water. Letting the water run over also makes them a nice mud hole to wallow in and get cool. Daisy, my favorite pig, decided to flop down on her side after getting a drink then stand up and start shaking like a wet dog. And do you know what I did? I became momentarily paralyzed while Daisy shook mud all over me. I had little mud dots all over my freshly ironed shirt (take deep cleansing breaths Mom), my skirt, my legs, my arms and my made-up face. DANG PIG! Garsh Darn Dang PIG! And I had ironed my shirt! Oh, for heaven’s sake Mother get up!
Daisy? Daisy? Are you laughing at me? You think getting me muddy is funny?! Well, guess what? I’m going to EAT YOU!!
So, back inside to change, but first I put the water on the garden to run until I came back. I know, I’m always thinkin’, always muti-tasking, always lookin’ ahead and being prepared. Yep, that’s me. In fact today I should rename my bog ‘Always Thinkin’ Ahead’.
While I walked through the kitchen I flung some pita bread in the toaster to eat on my way out the door. I know! ALWAYS THINKIN’ AHEAD!
I washed my face, arms, legs, changed my clothes and went back downstairs. I slathered honey on my pita bread and then Clay started yelling at everyone to get in the van.
We were three miles down the road when I said to Clay with my mouth full of bread and honey, “I din I wif da wadda un.”
“Un, dee! Un dee wee duh wadda un!”
And because we’ve been married so long and not because I speak with a mouth full of food all the time, he knew we had to go back home and turn the water off.
Which turned out to be a good thing because I dripped honey all over the front of me and was a big sticky mess. So I volunteered to get out and shut off the hydrant and quickly clean myself off.
It’s a good thing I decided to look at myself in the visor mirror before I got to church because I had mud on my ear and honey on my cheek.
We were 15 minutes late……all due to my thinkin’ ahead!
What? Now you’re sorry? Okay, I forgive you……but, I’m still going to eat you.