Thank you for the exceedingly nice weather you have sent us this August.  I really am thankful….but, but, but

Well, you see the nice weather let us open up the house and shut off the A/C and now it’s sorta chilly so we shut off the fans too.  It’s really nice…..but, but, but

It’s 4:00 in the freaking morning and one of the roosters has decided to start CROWING!!!  Which means the dog has to start BARKING!  Throw in a couple of cat fights and that puts me here on the computer writing a personal complaint to You the Almighty Creator of all things farm animalish!

I mean, seriously.  Is this a joke?  Did I mention I’m not a full blown farmer ….yet?  I have no need to get up this early.  I really like to sleep.  In my bed.  At 4:00 in the FREAKING MORNING!!!

Oh Lord, you are a funny God, because as I’m writing this thinking I’m so cool I can complain and get away with it, BOTH OF THE ROOSTERS ARE CROWING THEIR EVER LOVIN‘ RED BEAKS OFF!!

Okay, I get it.  I can not control the actions of my animals.  Thanks for the reminder.  Now, do you think just maybe you might could turn the volume down a bit?

Thanks and Amen

PS- Would you please miraculously heal my poison ivy before I take the bulb sander to it?

Hello.  My name is April.  Welcome to my factory.  Would you like a tour?  Please watch your step, there are several small plastic automobiles placed along the walking paths for your breaking pleasure.  I’ve only tripped on them about a trillion times.  We have very good health insurance……and liability coverage….and there are bandages strewn on the floor in the upstairs restroom in case you need one or eighty. 

Are there any questions before we begin?  What’s that you said?  Did you say that is a crock?

Oh.  Yes, this is a crock.  A butter crock.  We like to move it around the kitchen, uh, er, I mean FACTORY and have it handy in case any of the ‘workers’ needs a piece of toast or a dollop of butter or maybe they need to moisturize.

We have a resident artist that is practicing butter sculpture.  We’re trying to train him to put his tools away,but he thinks it’s more convenient to leave them in the crock for all the world to appreciate.  Ugh, artists.  If you think you can’t live without a butter crock, go here and get you one.  I love mine, I think I love it more than butter……and I really, really love butter. 

Back to the tour.  Here we have the apples grown out in the orchard.  We store them in specialized recycled apples containers.  Today the factory made apple pie and apple crisp.  I, uh, I mean, we also made apple sauce and froze sliced apples and threw some yucky apples to the  factory garbage disposals.  You know what?  There are still millions and trillions and gazillions of apples on the trees.  We will be making lots of recipes with apples.  If you have a good one, we’re all apples….I mean ears.  Please share your favorite and we will put it through our test kitchen and  post photos of the expert taste testers eating it. Because at this factory, we care about our visitors and we want to hear your opinions and taste your dishes.  So, please share the love. 

This was the factories first and maybe last attempt at pickles.  We made southern sweet pickles.  I think they’re a bit like bread-n-butter pickles.  We don’t like bread-n-butter pickles. We don’t know why we made them.  With all the soaking and cooking, it took two days to make two measly jars.  Not worth it.  No.  We are closing the pickle sector effective now.

We also freeze our lovely garden tomatoes.  There are still lots and lots of green tomatoes out in the garden.  We will be putting these to good use this winter.

The factory supervisor likes to bring in herbs to use in the factory recipes.  But, sometimes she brings them in, sets them on the counter and then forgets about them.  Then the herbs wilt and the supervisor has to decide if the herbs should be dried or thrown down the garbage disposals.

So far, the garbage disposals are winning the wilted herbs.  

Did you know the factory was growing grapes?  Yes, we are…. or did.  We made grape jam or rather followed a recipe for grape butter.  It’s kitchen tested and approved.

And here is the break room complete with coffee mug.  Don’t you love a good coffee mug?  This is from the same place as the butter crock.  If you like it you can see lots more of the guy that makes them here.  

Thanks for coming on our tour today.  If you would like to stick around and help clean up or work or volunteer or give the workers a pep talk or……please don’t go….please stay……please help me…..please….please…..pleeeeeeeeeease!