It’s 5:00 in the morning and I’m sitting here wondering if anyone is going to come to our gar..er, I mean MOVING SALE!!! I have spent way more time and energy than I care to admit getting ready for it and all I have to show for it is a driveway full of cra…er, I mean amazing stuff that deserves a better home than the big-long-dark-brown tur….er I mean Baby Ruth.
Oh, here’s a good story for you;
The other day a very nice woman came to the house to look at some furniture we’re selling. She had her 13 and 9 year old daughters with her. I led her through the long house winding in and out of the halls and corridors and she commented, “Wow, this house just keeps going and going.” That’s when I should have just said, “hmm–mmm” while striking my best Vanna pose to display the bookcase we are selling. But no. Instead, I blurted out, in my great hick way, “Yeah, I know! We like to call it the big-long-dark-brown-(I paused for a brief millisecond wondering if I should say turd or Baby Ruth, but of course I said) TURD!”. That’s when the woman gasped and with eyes wider than a deer caught in the headlights of a Mac Truck she whipped her hands over her 9 year old daughter’s ears. The damage was already done, the poor little girl’s ears are now soiled with the filthy word, turd. Turd. The word TURD.
I spent the rest of that day wondering if turd is a bad word. I put it in the same category as poop, dooky, stinky and potty. Maybe I need to elevate it to the next level on my content advisory. It doesn’t belong with my Bible cuss words that I’m allowed to say because they’re in the Bible like; ass, damn, hell and bastard. So, where does turd belong? Oh, I’ve got so many answers to that question…but let’s not go there. See? I do censor myself fairly well. But, I’m obviously still a potty mouth. Turd is the word heard. TURD!