Last week it was, and still is, a big purple-black-green whopper on the bottom of my foot from planting my big honkin‘ self on top of a sharp edged toy. I’d like to tell you what toy, like it was a block or Lego or train, but I was too blinded by pain when I stooped down to pick it up and hurl it at the wall while screaming, “DAMN KIDS!”. They were all upstairs sleeping like angels, so I sat on the train table and whimpered while I held my foot. I would have kissed it, but I spend too much time with my foot in my mouth as it is.

This week, in fact just moments ago, I inflicted what could be several bruises to my left side while falling off the driveway. Do you see my banner? Yeah, it’s still icy, snowy and freakin‘ cold here. I tried to take my daughter to school, but then realized no fool is going to take their kids to classes in this. So, I went to the store to stock up on things like milk, bread and hair products. Ellen begged me not to go down the driveway. I parked at the top and we unloaded most of the groceries and started our treacherous descent. I made Ellen promise to carry me to the house if I fell and broke my leg. I was starting to slide just a bit to much on the black top and thought a wiser choice would be to walk in the ditch where the leaves and sticks could at least give a bit of traction. I immediately fell down in the ditch. “Did you break your leg?” asked my daughter. “No, but thanks for your concern. I think I killed the bread.”

I pulled myself back onto the driveway and equalized the weight of my grocery sacks. “Okay, here we go, baby steps, baby steps…ahhhhhh, ahhhhhh,(breath) ahhhhh,ahhhhhh!!!” When I stopped sliding, skiing and screaming all I could hear was my daughter’s laughter behind me. I made it down the hill, but she was still inching herself along the slope.

We made it into the house and my son greeted me with the news that all classes had been canceled. Now, as I sit and defrost I can feel some stinging on my left leg and my shoulder feels a bit sore. I wonder how much damage I inflicted to myself? I didn’t buy any Advil, so I might need to drink the entire bottle of infant Motrin.

Jesse tagged me. I’m supposed to list six quirky things about me. Good grief, where do I start. I like how Jesse was so sweet at the beginning of her post by saying how quirky is all in the eye of the beholder, but I have to disagree wholeheartedly. I know that I do some really quirky stuff and I know others that do even more. But, I’ll stick to me.

1. I flush all public toilets with my foot. Then I get out of the stall as fast as possible while holding my breath because I’m afraid I’ll inhale the toilette vapors. This gets a little tricky when you ‘re holding a baby because you didn’t want to bring the car seat into the bathroom and set it on the floor.

2. I think chemical hair treatments are some form of cheating. This was ingrained in my head from my beautician mother. She would never let me get a perm or color my albino white hair when I was young. I finally had my hair foiled for the first time last year and I felt so guilty that I openly admitted what I did to anyone that would listen. Even if the conversation had nothing to do with my hair.

My neighbor- “Hi April, how are you?”

Me- “I foiled my hair, see? My sister made me do it. She said I wasn’t blond enough anymore. It took a really long time and I didn’t know what to expect, but I think it’s okay and maybe I’ll do it again, except it kinda dried it out a bit, but that’s okay, and I think it’s sorta natural and I’m older now and need a little help so it’s okay. Really, how are you?”

3. I sent my kids to public school, then I sent my kids to private school, then I threw in the towel and homeschooled my kids. And aren’t most homeschoolers just a bit quirky…just a bit?

4. I like to sing in a very loud operatic voice to give instructions to my children. Sometimes, my husband joins in and adds harmony. One friend told me that being at my house is like watching a musical. My oldest son has picked up on this quirky habit, and I must say it’s quite charming and can turn a bad day into a funny day very quickly.

5. Even as outgoing and loud and funny as I am; I get really uncomfortable in large groups. I even get panicky about going into unfamiliar territory like an office party or large get together with people I only know sorta well. I’m terrible at small talk, just awful. I know I’m supposed to ask people all sorts of questions about themselves, but I just draw a blank or ask really stupid questions. And the worst is I’ll just start blurting out stories, I know, that’s not hard to believe, but then I’ll laugh inappropriately too loud, too long and too hard. Good grief!

6. I can imitate a lot of people I’ve known in my life. I pick up on details like the way they walk, their hand gestures, the pronunciation of certain words. I even remember stupidly small details about people like the color of their teeth, skin texture, if they have a mole on their arm, the shape of their feet and on and on. It’s like a way of placing a person in my memory that I want to remember. I’m usually one of the first people to complement or comment on a new hair cut, a tan, an injury or even *gasp* an enhancement or two.

I know you all want more, but it said six, so that’s all I’m givin’ ya. I bet you all thought I was gonna to start talking about bodily functions and fluids, didn’ cha? I held back.