When we were away for my MIL’s funeral we visited an Episcopal church. I read through the bulletin and the week looked a bit anonymous.

Monday 7:00- Alcoholics Anonymous will meet in the choir room
Tuesday 7:00- Overeaters Anonymous
Wednesday 7:00- Gamblers Anonymous

Do you see the trend? So, there must be a lot of anonymous addictions in that area. I thought it was odd and funny and then I just thought that’s sad.

What are my addictions?
1. Coffee
2. Blogs
3. Staring for long periods of time at the chickens
4. Staring for long periods of time at the garden
5. Following the path of for sale signs along any given road
6. Daydreaming about a perfect encounter with a local farmer that wants a family to come live on his farm and take it over because he has no one to run it for him and he is now too old and doesn’t want any land developers to come build 700 houses on his wheat field and he becomes so fond of my family that he just gives us his acreage. In return I bake him a pie every week until he passes away. And the land is just right over there, ya know, close to everything.

Is there a Land Coveters Anonymous?
*sigh*

Which reminds me I pulled over and watched the wheat being harvested today and explaind the process to my children, who were pretty much thinking “can we just go home?”.

My Nit Wit
Clay had an allergy attack in his eyeballs yesterday. I’m still making fun of him for saying that to the nurse. I had to guide him like a blind old man into the doctor’s office because he couldn’t open his eyes without them gushing tears and stinging. While the doctor had her back turned to him asking him questions like, “Do you have carbon monoxide detectors in your house?” (because that is very important information to know when you’re having an allergy attack) he was making faces at her so I would laugh. I did my straight face and stared at him in my “you’re an idiot” posture. Then I told him there were probably cameras in the room and the prescription she gave us was probably going to cause him to go bald because he is such a twit.

My Light Bulb
I bumped Isaac in the head the other day and he said, “Oh, you bumped my fourth head”. Isaac has a ginormous head that is shaped like a light bulb. Hey Isaac, what’s the big idea? So the fact that he thinks his forehead is a fourth head makes perfect since. Maybe he does have four heads. And yes, I think it is incredibly healthy to make fun of my children. At least I don’t constantly have my mommy goggles on and can’t see that even my most perfect children are a bit strange and disfigured.

My Genius
Mom! Mom! I have a trick; I’ve been practicing holding my breath for a really, really long time. Let’s start with the letter U……Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Wait, wait, I can do it longer…..(but, it’s too late to impress me because his father and I are laughing to loud to hear him. Maybe next time he’ll remember to take a breath before he starts his amazing trick.)

My new post is up at Larger Families. It’s about wove, tah-woo wove and mawage (Princess Bride, anyone?)

You! You’re still alive because you’re so stinkin’ cute.

And you! You’re not cute but very beautiful inside most of the time and that is why you can be counted among the living.

As for you! Well, when I go to get my ax to chop you into little bits you make fun of the way I’m walking or talking and I start to laugh, so I’ll keep you around for comic relief.

And then you! I like you, you talk a bit too much, but I like having you around, so count your blessings.

Now, to the roaches in my bathroom; you all must die. I have noticed that I’m not as scared of you anymore, especially since I killed your mother and father and you are now just second generation little pests. The crack in the window frame that you poke your alien antennae out from to get a little moisture when I’m naked and defenseless in the shower is going to be sealed shut. I’m not afraid to throw a shampoo bottle at you and I do have a razor and I know how to use it. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave. Consider this a warning!